Traditionally, there are two types of custody in family law matters – legal custody and physical custody (also known as parenting time in some jurisdictions). Both types of custody can be established as sole or joint custody. While much attention is given to determination of physical custody (where the child will reside, when and with whom), legal custody is vitally important and has the potential to cause future problems in high conflict cases.
Sharing Major Decisions
Legal custody gives you the right to make the major decisions that will affect your child’s life. Joint legal custody is a situation in which both parents share responsibility for those major decisions. These might include decisions about education, health and dental care, emergency care, religious practices, extracurricular activities, and more.
Family law courts determine custody (both physical and legal) based upon the best interests of the child. Most courts will presume that both parents are willing and capable of working together to make major decisions for their child’s health, education and welfare. If one party or the other would rather have sole legal custody (sole decision-making authority), the onus will be on that party to demonstrate to the court the reasons that sole legal custody would be in the best interests of the child.
Parents with joint legal custody do not necessarily need to be friendly but should be able to set aside their differences to make good decisions for their child. If parents have an extraordinarily high level of conflict or refuse to communicate with one another, the court may award sole legal custody to one parent (but may still require consultation with the other parent before making a major decision). If abuse, neglect, or violence involving the child or spouse has occurred, courts are unlikely to award joint legal custody.
Day-to-Day Decisions
Even in situations of joint legal custody, day-to-day decisions will be made by the parent with whom the children are at the time the decision is to be made. For example, a father with weekend visitation can decide what the children will eat and wear during that weekend. Both parents should be able to make emergency medical decisions for the child without consulting with the other parent if time and medical needs require immediate decisions. (The other parent should be notified of the medical situation as soon as practical.)
Inability to Agree
If one parent excludes the other from the decision-making process in a joint legal custody arrangement, the other parent can file a motion to enforce, a motion for contempt and/or a motion to modify custody based upon the refusal to abide by the custody order.
In the event that parents with joint legal custody cannot agree on a major decision involving their child’s health, education or welfare, they can seek the assistance of a mediator – a neutral third-party who will help the parties reach an appropriate compromise or decision. In some jurisdictions, the parties may ask the judge to enter his or her order regarding the disputed issue after hearing evidence and argument. This can be extremely time-consuming and expensive however. In order to avoid those costs, the court may appoint a special master or arbitrator to hear the matter. Other jurisdictions might appoint a case manager to handle or decided day-to-day disagreements in high conflict cases.
Specificity in Parenting Agreement
Court orders of joint legal custody are generally fairly broadly written, referencing the vague notion of the child’s “health, education and welfare” or some similar language. Parties can use parenting or settlement agreements to attain more specificity in the responsibilities attendant to joint legal custody.
Some of the issues which might be covered are the requirement to notify the other parent of non-emergency medical care; of the identity of the child’s teachers, day care providers, and health care providers; and of any school, church or extracurricular activities to which parents are invited.
Parents are urged to approach the major decisions affecting their child’s life with the child’s best interests in mind – and not whether mom or dad “wins” a disagreement. The most successful joint legal custody situations do not require overly friendly exes – just mature parents who put their child’s needs first.
43 Comments
My husband and I share joint custody of my daughter who is 16 years old. She has been continually psychology abused by her stepmother going as far as locking her out of their house for periods of time. The courts have done nothing to protect her so far. I have been back several times and is becoming too costly to continue. We live in different locations and she is to go to school at the district her father lives in. She has stated to both of us that she no longer wants to reside in that school due to the fact that there is too much drinking and drugging from other piers. She wants to come and live with me and go to school here. Her father doesn’t see it this way. He now has sought out a new school for her in the town next to them. Without my permission her stepmother has enrolled her in that school. Since when does the stepparent over ride the paternal parent? My daughter will also be responsible to get to and from school which is 15 miles away. School starts in 3 weeks and I don’t have the time frame to get into court to protect her from this. What do I do????? Someone please help me!!!
my step son has joint custody he gets baby every other week. He started college which is 40 miles away and commutes when it’s his week. The mother is trying to get him for contempt because she said she didn’t know he was going to college even though she sent child support papers to his college. She has been filing court papers and getting rejected and each time she comes up with a new claim. What can i do to get her to stop harrassing and follow the order?
I have a 10 year old daughter living in North Carolina. My ex-husband & I have joint legal custody and I have primary physical custody. She spends every other weekend with her father and we divide holidays. I have been seeing someone for the last year and we are discussing living togther. He is a well respected, hard working individual in the community who adores my daughter. He has a 17 year old son that he shares 50/50 custody with his ex-wife. Is there any law that would restrict me from living with someone or that my ex could use to re-open a custody issue.
My daughter just got divorced due to domestic violence (his second offense) he will be going to trial soon, they have joint custody of my granddaughter who is 4 yrs old, while he had her for visitation he enrolled her in school without notifying her mother, how can she fight this???? the school is over 50 miles away from where she lives now, he lied and said he wanted her to go to family reunion so her mom let him take her this weekend and now he is refusing to bring her home because she has school in the morning.
Call the school and find out when the first day of school is, pick up your child from the school prior to entering and give the school the legal paper work. Legal custody does not mean one parent can just do what they please without notification to the other parent and consent. File charges in court of what this x spouse did and ask for a GAL.
I am divorsed male I have 2 kids and would like to get joint custody I want to have them 6 months and she have them 6 months, how do I do this I feel like I have no rights, I only see the boys at her convenience.
Dude, you need to fight this in court. Do not settle for an agreement where she gets residential custody. Fight her to trial to get residential but make sure you can provide and be there for the kids. In the meantime file a motion with the court. I am going through this right now but refuse to give in to her demands to have residential custody because she is never around and she makes it impossible for me to communicate with my son. We will be going to trial.
If you want your children for 6 months, that is not joint custody that is shared physical custody. Don’t get tricked! I am doing an essay on this for my college class, so I looked this stuff up. With joint custody, you do not get equal time, you get equal say in major decisions. Good Luck!
Honey
You are forgetting one basic goal of the court, and that is what is in the best interest of the child. Doing what you suggest, which courts have been known to agree, means having a child attend two different schools, not have friends, and become isloated from each parent for a long period of time to satisfy your objectives.
Ask your self is what you want for your convenience, revenge or retaliation, our just a ‘want’. I have seen too many cases where decisions are based off of what is in the best interest of the parent, and that is when they lose in court.
Also ask yourself, what will you do with the time that you have your child. Will you be active in homework, enroll them in afterschool activities and participate, be active on field trips and reinforce learning while the child is in the home? did you know that having a child involved in activities supercedes visitation? If the child has a game the same time of your visitation (because that is all you will get) then the child attends the game-without regards to being with you for six months. That is parenting no matter which one does it-it is both your responsibility. custody and visitation are one in the same with regards to what your responsibilities are to your child when they are with you. Too many fathers schedule fun activities, that they otherwhise would not have done if they were still married, give gifts, money, toys, but that is not parenting. weekends are not supposed to be for the child to be left at a relative’s house to accommodate weekend activities of the parent who has the child. Are you willing to committ yourself to ‘mothering’ your child? participating in their education, nightly?
If you cannot prove that you are ‘parenting’ there is no judge that is going to allow any type of custodial agreement to meet the convenience of the parent. Place yourself in your child’s shoes, would you want to be away from your mother or father for such a great amount of time, would you want to switch schools and friends every six months?
This is why courts only allow a split year agreement. Most cases involved employment relocation of the custodial parent or children of militray member stationed overseas.
This is all true. No bad advice here at all however there is a problem. The problem is the very real, very prevalent discrimination against men in family court. The bias is always slanted towards the mother and the father is always left in a defensive position. I get along with my ex well enough and when we went to court she was shocked at the treatment I received. The arbitration people were vicious, pointing fingers and telling me to shut up. Never even asking me one single question. The judge asked if I would like joint custody (legal) and then asked my ex if I was a drug addict or if I was a criminal. As if my ex is the person to ask. I was lucky that she answered “No he is a really good dad” and not “Sure!” I decided, with her that a 5yr old boy needs to live with mom for a while. I have him every weekend, regardless of the visitation agreement. We work hard to do the right thing by our son. We are adults and love him far more than we dislike each other. That has been key in dealing with each other.
Child support was another matter. I got screwed and will not be able to save for retirement at this point. I make 25k and she makes 70k+ as a state employee…. I pay her more than 400 a month and I feel this is totally unfair, seeing as I pay for clothes, shoes, school supplies and more. The child support guidelines for MA are not followed at all and there is no due process to anything. If the judge thinks you smell wrong your totally screwed and that. is. it. Oh and I live in VT and drive there and back, 120 miles each way every weekend. My son is worth it.
I have a son who just turned 5 and will be ready for kindergarten this coming school year. His father and I share both physical and legal custody through a court order. It was very hard in the begining, but as the years past I’ve realized it really is what’s best for our son. We have altered our schedule a few times based on what we felt would suit ours son’s needs better, and until now haven’t really had any problems coming to amicable agreements. Now the problem is that we both live in different school districts. We both mutually agreed that we felt it was best for our son’s stability to keep him at one house during the week while he’s in school and be with the other parent on the weekends. We decided to test drive the proposed schedule this year with pre school and make sure it worked well for our son, before he was in Kindergarten so we could make tweaks if needed. At the time we made the agreement we mutually agreed that the district my ex lives in would most likely provide the best option both in education and extra curricular activities as our son grew up. So we agreed that we would put him in school there, dad would have him during the week and Mom on the weekend and any school holiday that backed up to a weekend. We also agreed that due to the fact he would be wioth dad much more for school mom would get the summer. Not to say dad couldn’t have a week or so for vacation or a weekens here or there. Aslo the school year if dad wanted a weekend we agreed no issue and if mom needed a weekday as long as appropiate arrangements were made for school no issue. Just wanted the basic schedule so our son knew what would be the norm. Now suddenly halfway into this dad say I changed my mind I don’t want to not havew him in the summer. I said ok gave three options that I was ok with. 1 dad having three or 4 day blocks every other weekend during the summer, with 1 full week for family vacation, 2 a two week with mom one week with dada variation, or 3 a 5 day straight rotation with either parent. He say no to every option and the only thing he will agree to is he gets every weekend. I think due to the large amount of time I have agreed to give up for our sone to have stability this is very unfair and don’t agree its in our son’s best interets. He’s not thrilled with the current situation, he was on week on week off before and doesn’t quite understand why we think one home during school days willl be better. What suggestions can you offer for a summer schedule that would afford my son and I a little bit more quality time but maybe still appease his father? I felt I was being fair, but he obviously doesn’t. It is a goal to be amicable because I truly believe that is in our son’s best interest but I really think his father is being a bit unfair.
You don’t…
I am 21 with joint cusaty of my son with my mother. my son lives with my mother. my mother is really my step and lives with my real father who drinks and hits my 14 yr old sis. infront of my son my step drinks and is known to argue. my sis wants to move out but wont leave my son behinde scared of what whould happen. when is it ok to remove my son from her care and when is it ok for a child to choose where they want to live.
I have joint legal custody with the children residing with me. My husband refuses to take my teenage daughter and hides my son during visitation. He is a severe asthmatic. My husband will not provide medication since he does not think he needs it. He threatens me constantly to call the police (he is a cobb county detective) if I don’t do what he says. My children are dual citizens of italy and he told us he will never sign passports for my children to see their family members overseas. Can he not tell me where my son is (I think he has taken up residence with a new girlfriend since he has not been in his residence for 3 weeks) can he refuse to let us visit outside the country?
My ex husband vindictively pulled my daughter from her school and enrolled her in his district without telling me. We have joint legal custody and I was the primary parent for years. He hardly knew our daughter until age 5 when he viciously lied about me. He completely neglects her during custody. I have been completely undermined now as a mom and the court granted him the school he wanted despite his contempt of my joint legal custody. What can I do?
I’m basically have the same problem with my fiance and his baby mamma
I have a 10 yr old son who lives with me fulltime. The court papers say me and his father have joint legal custody but i have primary placement. We live in wisconsin and his dad hasnt had anything to do with him most of his life. Hasnt seen him in over 9 months but never denied if he asks. I want to move over 250 miles away. Can he stop me? How do I go about doing this?
My ex just left the state of utah with out me knowing she moved to ND i just found out to day in the courts here in utah we have joint legal custody. she took my 20month old daughter. she will be 2 in nov 29 my lawyer told me need a town where she lives before he can do anything. i getting very worried for my daughter capri
My ex GF has physical custody of our soon to be 14 year old daughter, but we have joint legal custody. I heard through the grapevine that they are planning on moving my daughter into her grandma’s home and placing her into another school 4 towns away. They are doing all of this without my permission or without even having consulted me. What can I do? I am alright with it so long as my daughter’s Mom is moving there too, but not if they are moving my daughter into her Grandma’s home. In the past grandma has convinced my daughter that her Mom’s home is too dirty for her to live there and has taken her into her home (again without my knowledge). This could be what is happening here this time too. Any suggestions?
i will be attending court soon i applied for joint custody, what questions will the judge ask me, or would i have to show the burden of proofs on my behlf and does it matter if my child support is not up to date?
My sons is 10 with ahistory of ADHD took himm off meds 2 years ago and this year he is having major difficulty so I decided to restart non narcotic meds when son and I meet with doctor. My sons father and I just finished mediation ( 2nd ) time we do ot talk I le him know what I was doing due to joint custody and he says. No!!!! So now what???? Its ridiculous he only wants a power control teacher and doctors know this is a problem he just has to make it hard I’m pissed!!
I am wondering if you could answer a question for me. My daughter just won sole physical custody of her two children, ages 7 and 8 after a 10 year marriage to a controlling, bullying and abusive person in which she endured physical, emotional, verbal, and mental abuse. He is assaultive and aggressive and conflictual. He even threw her into a doorway when she was pregnant and bruised her face and pregnant belly, not to mention many many other instances too numerous to mention! There is some documentation and eye witnesses. When the custody battle started a year ago she chose a therapist who claimed to be an expert in domestic violence. The dad refused to bring them to this therapist but finally did and played the victim to her and convinced her that he he not abusive and that my daughter just overreacts and is mentally ill. He is known to play the victim well and is a salesman. I cannot believe that a therapist cannot see through his facade! This therapist acted as a hostile witness to my daughter in the custody trial and has never believed my daughter when she has tried to tell her about the abuse and actually told her she didn’t want to hear anything about it. My daughter did bring them to another therapist when the kids were having serious violent behavior and after a year of therapy were actually getting worse and having many more problems. The new therapist was great and was very positive she could help them and was very open and unbiased. Then my daughter was told she could not switch counselors unless it was agreed upon by the dad, as they still had joint custody then. So my daughter was forced to continue therapy with this counselor who was not helping the children and making things worse. After sessions with her the children would act out and be even more violent towards each other and emotionally upset. She seems very enamoured with the dad, to the point where she broke down in tears when his name was mentioned and my daughter tried to tell her that she wanted her to release them from her care. She even called him from her private cell phone after hours to report to him that my daughter was going to take them to another therapist. She has been very biased towards the dad and therefore my daughter cannot continue to take the children to her. The judge said he was not going to order continued counseling for the children and mandated only 5 more sessions with this counselor. Even though my daughter has sole physical custody they both still have joint legal custody. The dad insists that he is going to continue to bring the kids to this therapist against my daughter’s wishes and my daughter intends on switching to the other therapist as soon as the 5 mandated visits are over.
My question: Considering my daughter now has sole physical custody does she have the right to switch therapists after the 5 mandated visits? Considering they both have legal custody does he have the right to continue to bring them to the old therapist? It would not be good for the children to see two therapists. How can this biased therapist be forced to release them to the new therapist? She actually told the kids that they will continue to see her unless both parents agree to end it. How can we be free from this nightmare therapist? Is this an ethics violation?
My boyfriend has had sole physical custody of his two children for the past four years. Up until last October everything was fine, they had their own agreement on when she would get the kids, so and so forth. Then she applied for Joint custody and it was granted in July. The courts agreed she would get tues/thur afternoons for three hours and the first three weekends of every month. Now, just the other day, she asked if it were possible if she could have the kids every other weekend instead of the first three (ultimately giving up the extra weekend- the extra time she fought so hard for).. she originally had tues/thurs afternoons for a couple hours and every other weekend. I advised my boyfriend to not so it and take her back to court but seeing that we dont have the money for that right now, i advised him to get a written agreement signed by her so it doesnt come back to bite im in the butt. Any suggestions on where to begin with his agreement. I’m not sure what to write. Or does anyone have any advice they could give me on the matter (that would help me in writting this agreement)?? Any help would be tremendously appreciated….. help please?!!!!!
i am wondering what the laws of joint custody are i was just divorced Oct 2011 and now my ex husband and i are bf and gf we were married for 14 yrs together for 19 and i have bipolar and i had episode i walked out so now i want to make things right I want to see my daughter not just when were together but when i can how do i go about telling him i want to see her or do i go back to court cause the judge was in a hurry when he granted the divorce that he really didnt ask how we were going to do it so i am really confused and frustrated about it all its the holidays i have yet to see her only when he and i are together oh by the way she is 14 yrs odl
What if you have parental rights but not custody, do u have any rights- visitation never addressed in court!!!?
I am with my 16 mth. olds father we live in Florida. We are living together he makes a decent amount more then I, but I do not make very much. We are not married. He has a 6 yr. with another women who has now filed for an increase in child support, with false claims such as how much she pays in rent, she does not have a rent to pay since her home was forclosed… it is increased to nearly 80% of his pay. He does not have any kind of custody worked out to have time with him but we have been actively talking about having him around and wanting an agreement set up but she is difficult. What can be done about this server increase with false information that is possibly going to cause us to move out of our home and us struggle to support our child?
I have a son and his dad is out of town. he has visitation but can my son’s grandma be watching him while he is out of town? Yes his weekend and yes its father’s day weekend but he isn’t home so does that give her the right to take my son on his visitation?
Guess what. It’s totally fine for your ex to make decisions about who and where your child will go and be with. If you have a problem with his grandmother then you need to file a motion with the court and explain why it’s a problem. It’s his time for the decision making. Just like when you go somewhere and don’t even consider asking for his thoughts or permission. Is your son neglected? Abused? Or just at nanna’s house while dad is away.
Me and my sons father have joint legal custody. hes been threatening me to go to court if i dont give him my sons social security number, doctors number and physcologists number. i feel that there is no reason for him to have any of that information, i was just making sure that i was right or not? do i have to give him that information or is it not necessary? please let me know. i dont see why he needs that information, i thought all he needed to know about is if there is a big decision to be made.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE SEPARATED ABOUT 6 WEEKS AGO. MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN LIVING IN MY HOUSE SINCE THE DAY THEY WERE BORN NOW THEY ARE 12 AND 10. THE 12 YR OLD SHE WALKS TO SCHOOL, AND THE 10 YR OLD GETS DRIVEN TO SCHOOL AND TAKES THE BUS BACK HOME. MY WORK SCHEDULE ALLOWS ME THE FLEXIBILITY TO BE HOME TO GET THEM READY FOR SCHOOL AND TO BE HOME WHEN THEY GET HOME. THEY HAVE BEEN STAYING WITH ME THURSDAY NIGHT, FRIDAY,SATURDAY AND I GIVE THEM BACK TO THERE MOTHER ON SUNDAY AFTER CHURCH. THEY STAY WITH THERE MOTHER ON SUNDAY, MONDAY ,TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY .SHE WANTS TO ENROLL THEM IN A SCHOOL THAT IS IN A DIFFERENT COUNTY, BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE SHE IS LIVING. WHAT ARE MY RIGHTS AS A FATHER TO STOP HER FROM DOING THIS???
So I’m not a parent, but I’m 17yrs old and I’ve started college. I want to start a week by week schedule but my dad argued that I have to keep the current schedule until I turn 18 which is in November. Do I really have to, or can my parents just agree and start the new schedule without going to court?
A women I knw went to court she was award sole physcial custody and get to make day to day decisions the dad in mom share joint legal custody n dad get visit its every other weekend.But question is if the mom been making all decisions since the kids was born should she contest the judge granting joint legal custody and especially since the dad was arrest in court for having an warrant for his arrest
My daughter & her boyfriend live together & just found out they are expecting a baby. Her boyfriend already has a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. The ex girlfriend is very immature and vindictive and she is trying to turn his son against him. John is a very good and loving father who pays for pretty much anything his son needs and yet the ex is always threatening to “put him on child support”. He probably spends more on his child than the court would order but, he is afraid to try and do anything about any sort of egalitarian custody because he fears she will do something to cause him not to see his son. The ex is always tweeting lies about getting back with my daughter’s boyfriend & trying to make her think he is cheating with her behind my daughter’s back. My daughter did not break them up & yet the ex tries to blame her for the break-up. She is totally psycho! What legal avenue does my daughter’s boyfriend have in this sort of situation. It is very stressful for my daughter in her condition and I don’t like to see her under so much pressure. Help!
My boyfriend has 2 children from his previous relationship. And the children’s mother is a vindictive woman. She wants what she wants, regard less of the children. He pays her monthly “child support”(not legalized by the court, but to insure his children are taken care of). And since we have been see each other, she has been demanding more money not allowing him to go and get his children to take them out to see his family or have their own personal time without her bantering him asking for things or money. He believes she does not use the money he gives her for the children, because she lives at her with her parents(she is 20) and they pay for the children’s clothes and things like that. My boyfriend pays for all doctor bills for the children, but their mother has been requesting he pay for hers too while she was pregnant and for the delivery of his 2nd child because “it is his kid that is causing her to be in the hospital”. He would like to seek out a lawyer to get everything court approved but he fears the court will be bias towards the mother. He wants to seek getting primary custody of the children due to the conditions he has found the oldest child in at times, she bares bruises most times he sees her because her mother does not have a child safe home. And she neglects to watch her with full attention. How can he go about getting primary custody of the girls and allow the mother visitation rights?
I have a 3 year old daughter. Live in MN. Ex gf’s parents just moved to Michigan and now she wants to move and take my daughter with her. She wants to do this month by month custody were I have her a month then she has her a month… Never brought anything to court to sign anything, but I did sign the papers that I am her biological father, and I do pay child support. Is there any way I can make it so she cant leave the state?
My wife and i recently seperated without any formal paperwork being filed and she decided to take my children with her on a train to what her parents said was program to help single moms get back on thier feet…bla,bla,bla. Anyhow i want to know what kind of laws she is breaking and what course of action should i take?
Myself and my daughters mother have split physical custody of our 3 year old daughter.. My situation is i want to join the military but they are saying i would have to sign over my physical rights.. What does this exactly intell and would i be able to take her back to coart for my physical rights when i finish my term in the military?
I’m bringing my daughter to Italy to see her father and his family. We ( me and my daughter) are U.S. citizens and my ex husband is not. I did everything for the divorce in the USA and got full custody with visitation on my terms. Can he legaly do anything to take her from me when i am there?
About a Month Ago, My husband just got joint custody of the kids we got every other weekend and shared holidays and vacations. Now the Order states that they are to make all major decisions together well last week at child support she had notified my husband that she changed the kids schools into a new school district a week ago. which is further out we already have to drive 30-45 min to pick up the kids. she also relays messages constantly through the oldest refuses to talk with my husband, and she trys to controls when we can and cant pick up the kids she also did not notify us that the youngest has to have a EPI PEN due to a severe allergy and he is also on a special diet. what do we do HELP!!!!
I’m having to file my own petition for custody and I’m trying to find a free sample I can go off of. I gotta. Do this quick as possible for my daughters sake.
I dont have that money upfront for an attorney, so I’m goin to file a petition for custody on my own. Im pretty sure it’ll be done right but I really want to get a sample that I can refere back to if I need to. It be taking a lil stress off me. Where can i find and get a free child custody form to use if I need to
my question is this its a book but i need some answers…im 28yrs old i have a almost 1yr old son..every week my time comes shes herassing and threatening me we made agreement to meet half way due to everytime i go to her house her and her bf verbally assualt me and threatens me physicly im a strong man but im more of a legal way…i have more herassing messages then my phone carrier can keep up with i have a picture of the guy with a 9month old baby in his pants with no see;ing of any thing under neith but the shorts he has on i have a text message of him calling himself a baby toucher. i have been noticing with each week of my son doing diffrent things a parent would not aprove of from humping the floor to litarly choking toys or me…his mother has a violent passed of verbal assults and physical harm to others..she has bypylar and some other stuff…i have police reports of breaking court orders im trying to find a lawyer i get laughed out of court or herassed by the judge of me taking her to court for breaking the order…i just want my son out of that mess does anyone have any answers for me like what i can do do i have any type of a case to go for full custody? im so stressed out as it is with all this happening..
I am going through the replies one by one and reading horrible stories, than good stories on what is happening to these children and my heart is so full of sadness. Our system is a failed system and these children grow up having so many emotional problems from years of mental and physical abuse from bad parents, or from one parent taking out anger on the child. These children grow up thinking it is alright to treat another person the way they have been treated and a lot turn to drugs, drinking, sex, anything to escape the pain they feel inside. For those who have joint-legal custody who do not put the children in the middle, good for you and your child as children in this type of situation flourish from set boundaries, love and a family bond–these children do well in school, do not tend to drink, smoke, use sex, and lead well rounded healthy lives.
For the lady who replied about her x-husband asking to go to a family reunion and then instead enrolled the child at a school 50 miles away. Shame on this father for using this child as a weapon to cause mom a pain in the chest (a true manipulator) usually men who are like this have a lot of psychotic issues. You could always call the school and or drive to pick up your daughter on her first day and have her get into your car and drive her home. Then send the school your legal paper work of non consensual enrollment.
Our court system needs an overhaul on what to do with children who come from broken marriages. How to deal with controlling parents who have figured out ways to abuse and use the system all while causing such great harm to these children. These children grow up and have emotional problems and enter into such unhealthy relationships.
For those who have a parent in which has done so many dirty things and caused you unwanted pain, made your child pay the price. Here are some tips.
1) have your child carry a cell phone with GPS
2) enter your child into counseling where the child can state the issues and concerns of the parent
3) speak to the child counselor through school
4) notify the courts in writing the other parent is using the child and how
5) communicate with the other parent only through email, this way you have record. Shared documents need to be mail certified.
6) tape record all phone conversations, if they are in person use your cell phone to tape record
7) hire a private eye to follow your x
8) look online for prior arrest or assaults in another county or state
9) close all joint accounts associated with anything you have online, such as email, your favorite store, notify these account holders of your new address, your new email and do this will all school in your own community
10) make a trip to the police station and show records of what your spouse has been doing to harm your child
11) take records of these same documents to child protective services
12) make sure everyone (police, fire, schools, child services, the courts) etc, have a copy of the awful things your x spouse is doing to your children, and make sure your bank and all your personal accounts are notified, give copies to your own parents (just in case)
13. have all your children finger printed and photo’s taken every single year
14. take photos of your children prior to leaving your home for visits and pictures of what you packed. Upon return take more photos
15. Inform doctors of the mental and or physical abuse or both. In form your own doctor and make sure these places have on record of what your spouse is doing
16) bring in a friend to meet with the GAL and tape record the entire meeting, always tape record everything in any meeting to have on file
17) meet at the local police station for pick up and drop offs
18) petition the courts for supervised visitations
19) if you do not have a good attorney, fire them and look for pro bono attorneys as every town has these attorney’s and a good letter might catch the eye of an attorney who has not completed his or her share of pro bono work for the year
20) document everything in writing as you would if you were keeping a diary or journal and make sure to write down the date and time always and include photos if you need to
You are your child’s voice and your children are worth you screaming if this is what it takes prior to something awful taking place.