What If a Spouse Cheats?
Most states define adultery as “sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than their spouse”, however this definition can vary from state to state. In North Carolina for example, adultery is defined as any sexual relations between a man and a woman who are not married and cohabitating together, whether legally married to someone else or not. Adultery is one of the most common reasons couples seek divorce.
Is Adultery a Crime?
Most states treat adultery as a “crime against marriage,” subject to religious ramifications as well as being grounds for divorce. In states that do recognize adultery as grounds for divorce, the extra-marital affair must be proved in court. States in which adultery is not considered grounds for divorce are known as no-fault divorce states. It should be noted, however, that even in no-fault states, courts may consider adultery when deliberating property distribution and child custody issues. Some courts even make a distinction between a one-time adulterous act and an on-going affair.
There are still approximately 20 states in the U.S. that have an adultery law on the books, with punishments ranging from a $10 fine to three years in prison. While these laws are rarely enforced, there are cases where adultery laws come into play. A Michigan Appeals Court, for example, ruled that adultery committed under circumstances involving any other felony is punishable by a sentence of up to life imprisonment.
Must Sexual Relations Be Involved to Qualify as Adultery?
While adultery is considered a form of infidelity, the reverse is not necessarily true: infidelity does not require sexual relations to exist – in fact, infidelity can also include non-sexual behaviors such as flirting and emotional affairs. Allegations of other types of infidelity are typically alleged as emotional abandonment, cruelty, etc.
Laws In Other Countries
In other parts of the world adultery laws are strictly enforced and can carry harsh penalties. For example, adultery is treated as a major sin under Islamic law and in some countries violators can be stoned to death.
53 Comments
May i go after the woman who taunts me with texts when my husband says its over with her? She taunts me with messagages and phone calls of what she will let him do, and that her sex is always open for him.
If this person is harassing you, you may consider obtaining a restraining order against her which would prohibit her from contacting you. A good place to start may be to check the laws in your state regarding restraining orders.
If a man has an afair with another mans wife and he know’s that’s his wife can the huband sue the man for that in north carolina
Generally, adultery is not a crime.
Monica, that simply isn’t true! In North Carolina, for example, it is not only ground for a divorce, but a crime punishable by law. Each state is different, so you need to check the statutes for the state you live in.
Thanks for your comment Jodi. Yes, North Carolina is in the minority of jurisdictions that recognize lawsuits against a person that had an affair with a married person’s spouse. That spouse may file a civil suit such as alienation of affection and conversation. These lawsuits are expensive and often difficult to prove.
Yes, he can sue in the state of North Carolina.
It’s worth noting that, in North Carolina, as of October, 2009, if the affair started after a couple is separated, the “alienation of affection” law cannot be used: ncga.state.nc.us – HB 1110
My husband started an affair in a different state where he is stationed on 11.22.09 (or earlier) and drew up a dissolution worksheet (without my knowledge) and dated it 12.01.09 and asked me to sign it within 90 days or else I get nothing financially… I was never served any court papers, and currently he is deployed. I claim NC as residence, and he claims CA as residence, although we own our NC house together? Can I still sue him for adultery in NC?
Yes, you can file an action in North Carolina family court for dissolution. Since North Carolina is a “fault” state, the fact that he had an affair will be relevant to the divorce case.
I am seperated from my wife whome lives in NC and I live in Michigan. She had cheated on me and became pregnant with another mans child. Our divorce will be final May 10, 2010. She just had her baby and just told me that she put my last name for the baby. Can I fight this and make sure she don’t use my last name?
ask for a dna test it will prove that u arent the babys father and also prove she committed adultery
I diffinatly would ask for a dna test and don’t sign the birth certificate until you know if its yours or not. Where you sleeping with her when she got pregnant? Could it be yours? Or did she just want to have some looser get her pregnant and then have you foot the bill for 18 years?
How is custody effected when the husband is the one having an affair and at one point he ws supposed to be off work due to injury and I was taking our baby to daycare everyday because he could not lift him up. I also know he’s still in daily contact with her and I worry that she has been coming over to our house with our baby here for the affair. I have proof of the first and not yet of the second. Does the fact they both work in law enforcement have any effect also?
Whether your husband’s affair is relevant to the divorce proceedings depends on whether the state you live in is a “fault’ state. You should consult the Family Laws in your state.
Worried someone else is cheating in your house? Nothing a little hidden camera or audio recorder couldn’t find.
75$ olimpus digital audio recorder records 18+ hours. Just turn it on and put it under the bed or wherever you think, just make sure the red light is blacked out and make sure it’s hidden good. Down load it to your computer later to hear everything that happened in that room for the entire day.
If you have any other questions feel free to ask.
my wife was texting this guy for about a week and found out that he wanted to meet up so she ended talking to him and called me and told me about the whole situation and that she wasnt happy in our marriage. i want to get her out of the house and stay in it with the kids and the car. can i do that, and is do i have a leg to stand on for divorce? i have no proof of the text messages
Whether your wife had an affair will only relevant if you live in a fault state. You should consult the family laws in your state.
I have proof of my wife cheating on me with another man. She not only admitted to me that she was an adulterer, but I also have text message conversations between her and him that are very incriminating and explicit. Would this be enough in the state of indiana to keep my home if she wold try to fight me on it?
Since Indiana is a “fault” state, whether your wife an affair will be relevant to your divorce action. You should consult the laws to determine if your evidence meets the standards required in Indiana.
in the state of LA. if a husband commits adultery and wife and husband split for a week. then wife takes husband back for 4 days, then splits after she takes him back, can adultery be considered the reason for divorce? and if the house was purchased under the husbands name before they were married, does she have rights to the house?
Hello,
IIjust caught my wife cheating on me now she says she wants to seperate, but states that she wants me to pay all her bills, She has no job and is healthy but chooses not to work because she is in school part time. Because she does not work will i have to pay her bills
You should consult the family laws in your state to determine what the court considers in ordering spousal support. In you live in a “no-fault” state then your wife’s affair will not be relevant to the divorce proceeding. In other states, your wife may be imputed with income if the court finds that she is able to work and should be contributing to her own support.
my wife wants to move out and leave me with most off the bill’s she has a good making about $80,000 to $90.000 a year some of the credit cards are in my name and she ran them up. I’am on social security we have two cars one’s payed for, but wants to just leave me hanging with all the credit cards that see ran up with the house note witch i can’t afford what can i do to make her help with these bills
My wife had an affair with another man a year ago.
I guess…she was in a year sexual relationship with him.
I have no proof of my wife cheating on me and I am living in Colorado(No-Fault-Divorce)state though…
We have been married for more than 12 years, we have no kid.
Does court consider my wife’s adultery when deliberating property distribution and alimony,if I mention it!?
It is too bad to give her half of marriage property including house, and pay alimony for 4 years.
My income is three times than her, and my all property is ten times than her savings, IRA and so on…
Will I have to give her half of marriage property, and alimony?
My husband had an affair with a woman in our house & they both have admitted to it. She is actively persuing him. I live in Ga, can I sue them for the end of our marriage?
Im not offering any legal advice but i feel your pain. my husband did the same to me only i was preganat with our son and laying in the hospital trying to hold on to him. driving her around in my car, meeting his mother, he even had her staying at his daughters mother home. to top it off she may even be pregnant with his child, oh yeah she has herpes. hold your head up even when your down.
I LIVE IN ARKANSAS AND I WAS WONDERING IS IT ADULTERY OR AGINST THE LAW IF I AM MARRIED AND I HAVE A GIRL FRIEND AND THEY KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER?
me and my husband have been seperated for about 2 years it was a very difficult we were high school sweethearts actually since age 14 i treated him the best i could but he was extremely jealouse and had a bad mean streak we have a child together and i live in michigan while he lives in texas and i just recently started talking to someone hes great but i dont know if it would even be legal for me to take it to the next level since i am still legally married.
I just found out that my husband of 8 years has been cheating on me with a 20 year old girl. I was completely blind sighted by this and so is everyone else. We just celebrated our 8 year anniversary in Vegas 2 months ago. Life was great. I am 7 1/2 months pregnant…our first. We were both so excited! On April 16th we got into an argument that “they” were hanging out too much and I wanted it to be just us. I decided to give him space I went and stayed with my sister for a few days. He came to me on the 18th and told me it was over, and that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. A week later I confronted him about having an affair with this girl and he denied it at first, but when I found proof, he admitted that they had been having sex for a little over a week. They had been hanging out all day and night for weeks before “as just friends” while I was at work. I never saw her as a threat because she was my little sisters friend from childhood and I had known her for 13 years, since she was a little girl. My husband met her when we got married…she was 11!
He wants to hold off on a divorce…not sure the intentions…and she is already claiming that they are in a “relationship” and they love eachother.
Can I sue for alienation of affection? Everyone knows that we were in love and things didn’t start going haywire till she was a constant in his life. He never communicated to me that he did not want to be with me, in fact made it seem like he was happy in love with me. He sugar coated everything to my face, but come to find out, he had been telling this girl and her family that he didn’t love me anymore and wanted out. And told them that he had not been happy for the past 5 years with me! The things he did for me and the way he made me feel, all that I did for him and all the love I gave him, and now he wants to say that it was all a lie.
I don’t know what to do….
Any advice would be helpful.
I still love him and still want to be with him, but he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore and he loves her….
Please help….
Christin,
What do YOU think you should do? Of course he wants to hold off on the divorce. He wants to act like they hooked up after you guys seperated and act like he didn’t commit adultery so he can give you less. I would document the affair for proof in court and go ahead and give him his divorce. Who wants to be married to someone who doens’t want to be married back?.. or I would kick the little bitch’s ass. I think you should put your foot down. I think he will regeret his msitake later.
Thanks Jon
I would love to kick her ass…but I think I would probably put her in the hospital…wouldn’t be able to stop beating her….unfortunately I am now almost 8 1/2 months pregnant and even after, I don’t think it would be wise to pursue the ass kicking as I will have a child to care for. Many of my friends and family want to kick her ass and his, but I don’t want them to take the fall…. 
I just can’t believe that he has done this to us. It feels like my whole marriage was a lie…and now my poor baby will get the shit end of the deal…
The only thing right now that keeps me partially civil with him is that he is continuing to pay the bills…for now. Right now I work full time, but won’t be soon. I don’t have anywhere to go… I am keeping track of everything though…texts, emails, phone messages, whatever I can. I still plan on suing her for alienation of affection…hopefully I will be able to use his money to pay for it!
) Take Care
Well thanks again Jon, I appreciate it
Christin,
Ya maybe that was bad advice. I have a freind who was cheated on extensivley by his wife and he came home early from deplyment to find a trail of rose petals to the bed and candfles lit, while she she off going to pick the” other guy” up. He hid and then his wife came home with the “other guy”. He busted out and politley told her he wanted a divorce and told them to leave, and now he has full custody of both kids and full child support from her. Not only that , but she works for her ex husbands close friend in the military and gets dogged out daily. We laugh about her everyday we all get together. Karma is a M%@%#cker!!
oh believe me, I would LOVE to kick the living shit out of her…she will get hers someday… He will too… you know what’s awesome? NM is an alimony state, so I will be filing for that as well as child support once the divorce begins. He has ruined my life (for the time being). I never in a million years saw this coming…he will regret this in time…this baby will be here in no time and he will see the error of his ways…he gave up a wonderful opportunity at a family for a young immature peice of ass who has nothing to offer him, but her undivided attention. (she still lives at home with her mom, gma, gpa, and older sis…doesn’t have a job, never has had one, no education, no future) The joke will be on him once he gets tired of babysitting LOL
I’m sure it won’t be long till he knocks her up and leaves her for someone else….
My wife decided she is a lesbian and always has been (since high school). I found out she had affairs while we were married. We reside in Michigan, but were married in the state of Hawaii. I have volumes of proof – can I file an alieantion of affection charge not being a resident of Hawaii?
I have been married only 10months and just found out that my “new” husband and this woman at his job are at the very least texting each other regularly. He erased all of her texts to him, but saved the ones he sent to her. He is careful not to say anything explict in the text, but they are too personal. He is not as forth coming with me, as he is with her in some of his text. He told me about her some time ago, but spoke of her strictly a co-worker who supposedly is “handicap”. He has pictures of her (but not one of me) in his phone and she does not appear to be handicapped to me. She’s often “sick” and in the hospital, and he’ll go by to visit with her. He works in another city (where she lives and work), about one hour from where we live and often comes home 8 or 9 at night with the excuse of stopping by someone’s house or waiting until the traffic has died down, yet he get off work at 4:30. I am trying hard to figure out what to do about this situation, seeing I have no concrete evidence of an affair, and he will make excuses for everything else. I can’t say that he is treating badly, just differently. He went from being very removed to very affectionate, and that’s not like him at all. I don’t want to be “blind sided”, so I’m trying to collect my defense before it hits the fan. Please, anyone help me with ideas. Is there any legal preventive measures I can take?
I don’t know about legal, but I know about finding the truth. Can you handle the truth? IF you think he is having an affair he may be and is acting extra effectionate to not get caught or he may not be having an affiar and you could be insecure.
If you want to find out where he is going I would plug a Gps into his OBO2 jack in his car where they run diagrnotstic and you could see where his car is on the map real time. I would investgate covertly and act as nothing is wrong even though that is hard. Or you could place another type of Gps under his car and read it when he gets back. After seeing his car on the map at a particluar locattion for a number of days besides work, I would have a friend drive me in a car he doens’t know with some tinted windows and do some nnja spy ops. I would write down the adresss where he is at or comming from and find out even more possibly through the intelius website of who lives there. It’s all to easy to find out the truth as long as he isn’t alerted to you being suspicous. I hope this was helpful.
Jon
i was just recently caught with a married woman by her mother and was wondering if anyone knew if the woman i was with would get custody of her 2 kids in the event of divorce? even after we commited adultery, her mother is adamant about taking them from her- is this possible?
What do you care Mike? Her mother ovbviously sees the explosive rage that could happen when her husband finds out and is worried about the saftey of her grandchildren. I would say I wish you luck Mike, but then I would be lying.
why on earth would you want to step in these peoples lives. These children deserve better than that and their own grandma is willing to see to it that are better deserving than that. These kids will grow up and hate you and dog you to your grave for ruining this. My ex is going through that now. Have fun in your up and coming relationship based on lies and cheating.
My husband and I live in New Jersey for 16 years. 6 month ago, he started afair with a woman in China who has husband and a 13 years old son. Soon after I found this, I told him if this is just a mistake he made, I can forgive him if he disconnect with that woman and we can move on, but he refused to do so and wanted to divorce me and merry that woman. One month later, he moved out of our house, then visited China in march this year and spent 10 days with her. Now that woman is coming down here this month with her son and will spend 3 weeks with my husband in his apartment. I know that woman wants to move to US with her son so that her son can have free education here. so bad that my husband does not want to see it although everyone knows this situation keeps telling him that he’s being used. I would appreciate if someone can advice me how I can do to stop that woman coming down here and how to protect myself and my daughter.
My wife of over 12 years left and and admited in a text she was involved with another man within 6 weeks of the seperation. She has a degree, I dont and she makes more money than me. She claims that a rotating work schedual (where i diffrent nights each week off) is an unstable home environment and claims she is entitled to full custody and childsupport as well as our co owned van. We live in North Carolina. Is any of this true? what rights do I have?
I live in nc. Wife walked out on me & oldest son (10 now 13). She took our 1 yr old now 4. She was pregnant with boyfriends baby. Court ordered her two yrs go to attend counseling and meet oldest son in a neutral place. She refused to do so and consequently has abandoned oldest son and has no relationship with him. Boyfriend is off of probation for drug issues and in agreement of mediation boyfriend would not drink alcohol around my youngest son, would not be left alone with youngest son, and would not physically discipline youngest son and that is not being honored. I want my two boys together and not separated for every other week as they are now. I know there is a half sister involved now but does an illigitmate child take precedence over these two brothers? I am a good father and I am not involved with another woman. I am left with the bills and of course they are living in poverty conditions so the odds of collecting from a aleination affection and criminal conversation lawsuit is not ging to happen. I have the automobiles paid for the house only has two more yrs and it paid for. Is that gone or can i protect these articles since she walked out and never paid a dime into these things. So I know I can prove adultery I am worried as to what is going to happen to my kids through this. Oldest one will not talk or communicate to her no matter how much I encourage him to. I guess if my mom told me that she loved her boyfriend more than she loved me I would not want much to do with her either. So if you help me on these custody issues I would greatly appreciate it.
I live in Arkansas and I was wondering if this was an at fault state. I have been married to my husband for 18 years and found out that he has not been faithful, he has two sets of outside children, and I just reciently found out the he has been ordered to pay childsupport. I have five children by him and currently pay the majority of the bills, the house is in my name I pay the note, the we have four cars, I payed two off and he currently just purchased one in which he pays for and my oldest son (18) pays for the one he drives. I am struggling and want out, he is never home and the children knows about his unfaithfulness and are very torn apart by it, they have attempted to talk to him about it but he takes his anger out on them and says he will not do things for them anymore. I want to know what I am entitled to and if I can sue for the disruption in my marriage.
In the state of North Carolina is solely kissing some one outside the marriage considered adultery and if so would it affect wether or not the ‘guilty’ party would receive alimony and/or would it affect the one year waiting period required before divorce?
What if he insists on talking in secret with his so called female friend, and talks for hours on end,,also had a fling with his cousin (not really) whom is married and doesnt know what went on,, what would you do, if all he says is there isnt nothing going on,
all I can say is this year 2010 has truly been a year for cheaters getting caught from normal people to celebrities. hurt is hurt! what amazes me is that people that interferes with others marriages feels like they are entitled. they want to accuse you of lacking, in some area and that is why your spouse or partner chose them. how stupid is that when all they are doing is being used. case in point I had a situation where my husband decided to cheat with someone out of state. they both works for the government. I found texting and e-mails and phone records and busted him and he could not deny any of it, but now he suppose to be done with her and is not communicating with her anymore. so far things has been ok with us and seems to be back on the right track, but i am still distraught by his deception. i feel like she has violated my marriage and now wants me to be quiet about it to her husband and kids. i want to bust her out because i am the one dealing with the aftermath while she is playing miss innocent in her marriage. i see the comments that she makes on facebook and her son’s make, as if they are such a happy family yet she thought that it was ok to disrupt my family. i do not know if my husband is still communicating with her, i do not know any way to tell, when he is at work. he is not going to use our phone or his cell any more because he knows i have access. how can i find out?
Hello, I live in MI. I understand that we are a No Fault state. Me and a female caught my husband up about to commit adultery with her. that was about 6 wks ago. Now, she is claiming him, and putting things on FB trying to taunt me. I feel some is slander. Is there any other way to sue someone for having an affair with your mate, even if you can’t use the alienated of affection in MI ? I want to sue for the slander also…
my wife was sleeping with one of her coworers for three months befor she decided she liked him more and left is there anything i can do to compasate for my pain and suffering
i have been married 2 my daughters father for a week as of today we got married in a court house 2 days after we got married he said he made a mistake and wants an annulment….. i live in alabama and i havent seen him since the day after we got married he got back with his ex ….. now i know this seems wrong but i dont want to get an annulment or a divorce because i want him to suffer he doesnt work and has no money he wants me to pay for it all what should i do? am i wrong for not divorcing him just to make his life miserable?
please someone help me!!!! i beg u
Any time you’re doing something just to make someone miserable, it’s probably not the right thing to do. You’re probably also going to inadvertently make your daughters’ lives miserable because you’ll be focused on this relationship problem until it’s either resolved or ended. Either work out the relationship or call it quits…don’t drag it out. That’s not good for anyone.
i agree but i am not dwelling on the relationship at all like i havent seen him since 2 days after we got married and im not stressing bout it i dont care where he is really i just dont wanna give him what he wants by divorcing him he should have never said i do