How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage

What’s ailing your marriage?

As couples in crisis struggle to find solutions to their relationship problems, many resign themselves to one of two choices: either stay in an unhappy situation or leave it, whether by divorce or separation.

But in her book, Should I Stay or Go?, relationship specialist Lee Raffel, M.S.W. provides another option: “controlled separation” or “CS”.

What is CS and how does it work?

In her unique approach to relationship therapy, Raffel shows us how to structure a separation so that it has purpose instead of just providing a temporary haven while we wallow in our own frustrations.

Using a customized contract written by you and your partner, Raffel shows you how to step back from the relationship without just walking away. The contract provides some clear ground rules about how the two of you can interact with each other during the separation and what steps you plan to take to try and heal the wounds that have brought you to this point.

Rather than focusing on the negative aspects of a separation, the book encourages you and your partner to do some deep self-exploration and provides some ideas for communicating your discoveries with each other so that you can learn how to live together in harmony.

“‘Should I stay or go?’ is not a tidy topic. So momentous a decision affects every aspect of your life: children, family, friends, house, money, job, religious teachings and values. Your life is “on hold”. Your doubts are loaded with unfinished business and toxic waste – you are swamped with guilt, revenge, remorse, regrets. Disillusioned, you feel powerless and out of control. The enormity of it all tears your insides apart.”

But with controlled separation, Raffel shows you how to regain some control in a seemingly out-of-control situation. Instead of simply shifting the blame back and forth, you’ll discover how to approach your relationship and the baggage you’ve brought from an analytical and balanced perspective.

This ground-breaking book examines all the different aspects of marriage as well as the various issues that cause it to break down. From abusive partners to money issues to sexual differences, Raffel shows you how to construct a separation contract that allows both of you to clear the air and move past anger and resentment.

Using real-life examples,the book is an invaluable read for both couples who are considering separation and those who simply want to strengthen their relationship through better understanding and communication.

Forget asking your friends for advice. Should I Stay or Go? provides a clear and distinctly flexible solution that allows you and your partner to figure things out for yourselves.