Stepparent Adoption 167

Strengthening Your Blended Family

Many blended families see adopting a stepchild as a way to strengthen the new relationship. And in most states, stepparent adoption is a relatively easy process.

Unlike outside adoptions by unrelated third parties, a stepparent adoption doesn’t typically require the same scrutiny such as home studies and lengthy hearings. There is still paperwork that must be completed and the adoption must be approved by the court but much of the initial investigation is often waived.

As with any adoption, consent must be obtained from the non-custodial biological parent. If the parent refuses consent and has strong ties with the child, the stepparent adoption will likely be denied.

Before pursuing a stepparent adoption, you should consider whether it is truly the best thing for the child. While you may see it as a way to bring your new family closer together, keep in mind that the child may not want to sever his ties with his birth parent. By adopting your stepchild, the biological parent will no longer have any parental rights and all legally allowed visitations will cease. If the child and parent maintain regular communication and continue to have a strong relationship, be aware that the adoption could cause emotional and psychological harm to the child.

In these cases, it may be best to remain a stepparent and allow the child to continue his or her relationship with their biological parent. Everyone’s situation is unique, but use your best judgment, and always consider the welfare of the child.

You may enjoy this book on the overall adoption process.


  • Laurie

    Any idea what the procedure is like if the biological parent has no contact with the child, and can’t be found to give consent?

    • Sharon

      You have to prove that there has been no contact or support. You also have to prove that there has been no attempts at contact. If the other parent has tried in any way, even indirectly to make contact or provide support, or even if they have not but they show up to contest the adoption, a judge will deny it. The slightest bit of interest is all a parent needs to show to retain their parental rights. The biological parent must be found to notify or you will not be able to go forth.

  • Lana Matt

    My 15 year old son has been with his step father since he was 15 months old and does not ever remember a time without him. That is truly his dad, but he does speak to his biological father on occassion but is developing a strong need to be adopted by my husband so he can belong to him, the man who is truly his dad. His biological hardly ever comes to see him or try to attend any of his activities or recognizes my son on holidays. His love is very conditional. My question would be what are the chances of an adoption if his father will not sign?

    • Sharon

      If the other parent will not consent, your chances are 0%.

      • Emma

        Not really…. if you can prove that the other parent has not extablished and maintained a meaninful relationship with the child within 12-14 months before the filing of the pleading and has failed to pay child support in 12-14 months prior to filing then your chances for the Judge to grant your adoption go up.
        I am in the middle of this fight right now and that is what we are going off of. Mt daughter’s sprem donor has not had anything to do with her in over a year and then he filed for full custody without having seen her in over a year or calling, etc. So, I filed for my husband to adopt her and for his case to bestricken. We are awaiting Trail now and will see what happens. I have documented every single time we spoke every text message, etc. I have a book on every time he came to see her, what he did, etc. Documented every time he paid me, which was very little and that is all playing in my favor. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! It will help your case 100%. Good luck everyone.

  • Amber

    what if the biological parent has hardly been there and the child really doesnt know his bio parent, and another man wants to adopt that child and said child has a strong tie to that other man, but said biological parent refuses to sign away there rights?

    • Sharon

      You must have consent. Any attorney that tells you that you can go forth without consent is not telling you the whole truth. The whole truth is that anyone can file for anything in court, but you will not win without consent. The attorney will take your money and tell you they really thought it would work. A judge will not approve an adoption without consent.

      • Amber

        ok but in the state of oklahoma if a parent has not made contact in 14 months weather or not they pay childsupport its still abandoment so, their for the cusdodeol parent they could get abandoment charges pressed agiasnt the bio parent, than have his parental rights yank, than have another person adopt said child. in oklahoma no matter if the bio parent is paying childsupport or not that is not a form of contact. due to it is garnished out of bio parents pay checks. unless bio parent calls or pysically comes by to see said child it is abandoment

        • Sharon

          Yes, all states have similar provisions, however, the other parent must be notified and have the right to contest an adoption or termination of their rights and there is no law that forces non custodial parents to visit their children. However should it be that they risk losing their children and contest an adoption, they are no longer considered to have abandoned said child(ren) because they are showing interest by opposing termination or adoption. Non-custodial parents have free will to assert their rights when it is convenient for them, not their child(ren).

          All the non-custodial parent has to do is show up and say that they wish they could have a meaningful relationship with their child and they plan to in the future but that right now the custodial parent makes it too difficult so they’re waiting until the child is old enough to come to them, that they are the biological parent and they wish to remain so.

          Trust me, my ex had literally abandoned us, didn’t hear from him for over 4 years! No support either, he was in hiding, no legit job. I had welfare agencies on my side and everything. His rights could not be terminated until we located him for notification. That’s what they kept telling me. Someone finally located him and he was notified. I thought it was a done deal, everyone assured me of it, my attorney, child welfare, etc. Well he showed up at the last hearing contesting it. All he said was that he still wants to remain on the birth certificate and that he didn’t know how to get a hold of me. The judge said that just the fact that he showed up was showing enough interest in parentage that his rights should not be terminated.

          I tried in two more states over the next 10 years without contact, each time he showed up. Each time in between, no contact.

          I wasted a lot and time and money trying to get a step parent adoption. Now 19, my son and my husband have done an adult step-parent adoption. Bio father still has no interest in my son. He just didn’t want to be shamed by having his rights terminated.

          Over 19 years of his life, when he was 2 months old his dad left us high & dry. When he was 4 I first tried to terminate his rights. We moved to another jurisdiction, when he was 10 I tried again. We moved to another jurisdiction and I tried again when he was 15.

          19 years old, the only contact his bio father ever made was 3 appearances in total to stop step-parent adoption. Every time, those appearances were assertive enough for the Courts.

          I’m telling you, get consent or forget about it. It doesn’t matter what the law says, it’s what the Judge’s do.

      • In Florida the bilogical parents rights can be terminated even without consent if the evidence supports it being in the best interest of the child.

    • Emma

      You don’t have to have consent from them if you can prove that they have not established and maintained a meaningful relationship with the child within 12-14 months prior to filing and that they have not paid child support within 12-14 months then you don’t have to have the bipdad’s consent. You do however have to notify them that you are filing, but if you have proof…document everything… then the ball is in your court and you have a better chance of having the judge granting your adoption.

  • tiffany

    Ok my situation is, I have 100% custody in the court he even said his life style isn’t well enough for a child and said he doesn’t want custody give it to me. Now how would that work against me to get my husband to adopt my daughter?

    • Sharon

      Sounds like he is willing to consent. Have him notarize consent to step-parent adoption and relinquishment of his parental rights.

      If he will not sign, be careful.

      The bio-father in my situation said the same things to me, but when I asked him to sign the paperwork and have it notarized, he agreed, when I sent the paperwork, he ignored them, and never sent them back.

      We decided to go to court anyway, our filings said that he does agree wants to consent, but that he had not done so yet.

      I, too, had sole legal, sole physical custody.

      It went to court, and at the final hearing he showed up and said he didn’t know how to get a hold of me, but he doesn’t want his rights terminated.

      Even the laws in that state, and prior supreme court rulings showed we had all the right to win regardless of his last minute wishes, but the Judge denied the adoption anyways.

      Adoptions are very expensive, get consent. Don’t count on the other person to let you win by default, it’s too risky.

      Once you file once, if it is denied, any future chances you have are greatly diminished.

  • Ayron

    I’m from Michigan. My ex is in prison, he has been for 2 years now for a violent act. He will be in there for at least another year. My new husband and I have a daughter together and he would like to adopt the other two.. Before my ex was incarserated he had visitation through safe haven and had to be supervised.. He has a history of violence especially towards women. I have had a ppo on him twice and his sister also had to get one. Is there a way I can prove he is unfit? Because he is a mean man I know he will never give consent.

  • Michelle

    About consent for adoption. In some states if the parent has been absent from the child for a certain amount of time and has failed to support child. It is different each states. They will consider that as given up consent. Now even if the judge decides you need consent or not there will still be a hearing for what is in the best interest of the child. Even if the parent shows up to contest the adoption. They do not consider that making contact with child. Anyone doing a adoption like this. Get a home study done for the best interest of child. No, a parent can not just show up when they feel like it to be a parent. Especially if there is a court ordered visitation. If there is and they have failed to comply with visitation order. The absent parent has to prove why they have not contacted or supported child. If any one out there is not supporting a child they are supposed to be supporting, do not expect the step- parent to do all the supporting and pareting. Then expect them to not want all parental rights to the child. Its not there job to be the keeper of the child for you to just come in when you feel like being a parent. Its not good for the child or anyone else involved.

  • sandy

    I have a 12 year old son that his biological father has never met him nor was ever interested in meeting, Because he was going through a separation with his wife when we met and I became pregnant and then decided to stay with her when he found out… The last time I spoke to him was when I was 4 months along. He wanted nothing to do with a baby because he was staying married, I gave birth to my son and gave him my maiden name and the biological father last name (hyphenated) the father was not there to sign any papers I just at the time I think was hurt and hopeful and did that for his last name. I married my husband when my son was 15 months old and Want him to have his last name because his is different then ours. He is now 12 and we have told him that his dad is not his biological and his only wish is to get his name changed… What do I need to do to make this happen, I do get child support and He was born in Calif, we know adoption cn be expensive so someone told us to look into just changing his last name since the biological wasnt even there to sign anyway when he was born… Please help.this would be an amazing xmas gift for him….

    • Michelle

      I’m not sure about the state you live in rules for this.If he is paying child support you might have a problem with changing his name. You maybe able to contact the bio- father and ask him to sign his rights away. That should be pretty cheap. If he does not want anything to do with the child anyway he might agree.It will release him from child support as well.I would follow the legal steps though. Consult a lawyer let them tell what you need to do in your state.

  • LM

    Michelle… A change of name is fairly simple. It costs about $200. You can petition the court yourself. There’s no need for an attorney. If the biological father can be found, there’s a form he can sign to give consent. If he can’t be found to give consent, it’s just a matter of taking out ads in the legal section of your local newspapers so that he can be notified. If your local courthouse has a help desk, you can go there and they’ll help you with the forms. If not, just go to the probate office and ask for a change of name form. It’s pretty self explanitory and the people that work in those offices are usually really helpful too. Good luck to you!

  • md

    My ex husband is in prison for domestic violence and has had not contact with my daughter in almost 9 years. My husband now wants to adopt her but we are unsure of ways to go about this. To notify him would put us in danger. Can it be done without the other parents consent since he is in prison.

  • GINA

    me and my husband have full custody of his son does the mother still need to give consent so that i can adopt him after she already signed her rights away to us? she has not seen him in four months…

  • Deborah

    My daughters biological father has not seen her in almost a year and made one 3 min. phone call about 6 months ago. He has not paid child support in over 2 years. He is was an illegal im. and I have no idea how to contact him but I know that he was deported to Mexico sometime this year.
    I have full legal and physical custody and have documentation including:
    -legal and physical custody
    -restraining order (now expired)
    -supervised vistitation
    -2 domestic violence police reports
    -documentation of visits in my daughters lifetime
    -documentation of child support in my daughters lifetime
    -all phone call dates (including directly from him or his x-wife)
    -Statements that I have written with the womans center of domestic violence, drug abuse and fear of him taking my daughter to Mexico used to get a restraining order.

    My husband has been a father to my daughter since she was 1 year old (now 6)

    I have already printed and filled out adoption forms 200/210/215. About a year and a half ago her biological father said he would not consent to adoption only because he hates me. I have no idea how to find him now to even send him paperwork in Mexico and only know his last known address in California.

  • Deborah

    how do we proceed with adoption from here?

  • Starr

    My son is 10 years old and his bio father has never once been in his son’s life. I have given him opportunities when my son was little and he never wanted to recognize him as his son. I have been married to my husband for 81/2 years and he has always been my son’s father. I am wondering how that will play out and how much it will cost?? I am in the state of Oklahoma.

  • jamie

    I have 2 children whom my husband has been with since they were little. Since they were almost 3 and 1. They are almost 12 and 10 now. Their fathers have not been around since the oldest was 6 months old and the younger one was a year. So thats almost 12 years and almost 9 years. Have not bothered to see them or get ahold of me. We as a family would like to get our family whole. This means my husband adopting them. What can i do? How do i go about it? I do not know where these men are…. They dont pay support very often and arent around. I live in wisconsin? can someone help?

  • Proud Mom

    My daughter is 7 years old. Her Biological father last saw her on her 1st birthday. He owes well over $10,000 in child support and it has always been me pushing Friend of the Court after him to even get the little bit I have gotten.. I am in Michigan and he has moved out of state. Should I file child abandonment forms and then start the adoption procedure? If so, where would I get the papers to file the abandonment?

  • Daphne

    I have 2 children from a previous relationship. I went to court and I have full custody of them and his rights have been restricted due to violence and drugs. We haven’t heard anything from him in almost 6 years. I’m married now and they want my husband to adopt them. What will I have to do to have that done? I also have a 3 year old that his father is not on the birth certificate and he’s never had anything to do with him. The only reason I receive any kind of support from him is because I went through the state and had it done. He lives in another state and never bothers to see how he’s doing or acknowledge him on holidays or birthdays. My husband is his father and makes sure he’s taken care of. What would I have to do to have my husband adopt him?

  • shell

    I have 4 biological children ages 18 to 9. I have had full sole physical custody of our non-biological child who is almost 4 years old since she was about 1. This child has lived with us since 7 weeks old and is no blood relation to us but we were helping her biological mother out in the beginning by keeping the child so she could get on her feet. The biological mother terminated her parental rights 3 years ago without even a blink of an eye and only sees the child 2 or 3 times a year-a few weeks before Xmas and a fw weeks beforre her birthday sometimes another time over the summer.She never sees her for more than an hour each visit though and calls sporadically here and there with no meaningful conversation or reason for calling. She never expresses any interest in the day to day or how the child is doing etc. She does not pay child support or buy her daily necessities. She had a friend of hers buy a pack of diapers for her since she never has a job to have money over 2.5 years ago and they were 3 sizes too small. She has no place to live of her own and stays with friends or her boyfriends mom’s house. She told us and our lawyer who called her after filing for adoption she has no issue with us changing the childs last name and having the child live with us forever(this was 6 months ago). Now she is contesting stating she may want her back since their is a hearing scheduled. She has only stated she wanted the child back whenever there were hearings scheduled even thru our custody hearings. My husband and myself are the only mommy and daddy she knows-she has no idea who her bio mother is and doesn’t recognize her pic when I show her. She is a part of our family and doesn’t know any other way. Is there any chance a court would allow her to have her child back after all this time? She’s had 4 years to get her life together and hasn’t proved to do it yet. P.S. she was never allowed any overnight visits or lengthy visits thru our custody and never would keep the child for the allowed time we agreed on in our custody agreement-it was never more than a 1 hour time she would keep the child she would call me stating the child was crying or that she wanted to do something with friends etc.

  • shell

    The childs birth certificate has no fathers name listed and the bio father is unknown so this is only an issue regarding the bio mother and her lack of appearance in the childs life thru the last 4 years.

  • amber

    Hi, My husband and i have been married for 5 years, He has been a father to now 6 and 8 yrs old. The bio father doesnt see them since 2007, sporadically pay child support to keep out of jail 9 (at the most pay twice a year). W hired a lawyer to do paperwork, he found him and spoke with him. The bio father said negative things about us. Does judge in any state take in morality and stability of childrens lives in consideration more than the bio father? I honestly beleive that bio father would emotionally and mentally turn those young kids’ world upside down, not caring how happy they are with their lives. We are considering to pay his back payments to SRS that he hasnt paid for 6 years for our daughter and the left over back support payments to SRS for our 8 year old son to sweeten the deal for the bio father to sign his rights. We are desperate and trying so hard to ensure the childrens lives are normal and stable. In our past expeirnce, Our son had a weekend night visit twice a month and he always come home sick from being exposed to smoke ( I had to take him to er several times for his asthma attacks/make several emergency dr. appts to get meds with his wheezing/coughing) and complain that he doesnt do anything with him, just plant him in front of tv with mcdonalds happy meal. I refused to let Our youngest daughter,6 yr old to stay with him and stopped the visitings with our son based on his health welfare/unhealthy environment. I told him if he wishes to see the kids again, please take me to court. that was more than 4 years ago. Now we were planning on to do publication notice if we cldnt find him. We found him……. and he refused. Our son wants nothing to do with him. Can our 8 year old son be forced to have visits with him? Our daughter is a sweetheart, knows nothing of this mess, loves her dad (her stepfather) completely. He sing to her sometimes,” u are the only thing in my life.” and she would reply,” no dad, u are!” I dont want bio father to take those memories of everything she had known almst all her life ruined, taken away. The bio father had 4 years to take us to court. I wondered if hes doing this to make us & his children miserable. This law needs to be twinked. I honestly think any man who wants to be father can go to court and get visitation rights anytime/right away, why wait for years for? any infos, suggestions, anything would help. Thank you.

  • Julie from SC

    The bio father of my 11 year old has had no contact and no support with her since she was 13 months old. I have no idea where he is and he never showed up for the child support case when she was 2. I am now married the the man who has raised her since she was 18 months old. She does not know that my husband is not her bio father. He is the only dad that she has ever known and she has called him daddy ever since she could talk. She wants to have the same last name as her “daddy” (my now husband). Do we have to go through the adoption process since it has been so long or can we just request a last name change? I am trying to do whatever I can to get this done quickly but with minimal cost. What do I need to do?

  • Brandi

    I have a 12 year old son. I have been married to my husband for 9 years and together 10 years.
    My ex was not around for the first 5 years of my sons life, he only came around when I begged from years 6-8 and it was about once a year from 8 to current. He does pay child support so I can not claim abandonment (florida).

    Heres the questions. My son if the one that asked to be adopted. my ex of course said that he would consent then backed out “because he can”. I have tons of emails and texts from this man to my child stating that he is not his father and that he does not want to talk to him and for my son to never call him again. When my son asks him why he changed his mind he tells my 12 year old that “I want to make your moms lifes hell”. The emails and texts are VERY nasty. I know that these will be looked at as hearsay but a judge might want to take a peek at them anyway…

    At what age can a child go to court and have his wishes matter? My son really wants to be adopted. We have taken him to therpy even because I wanted to make sure that he understood what he is getting himself into,and he does understand…

    12 if the age of consent per my local court house…. Any advise?

  • Linda

    My son is in his thirties, his biological father never had anything to do with him until recently. No child support, visits, nothing. No help with college or anything. He just now within the last two years wants a relationship (how convenient) My son does not think very highly of him,but insists on inviting him to his wedding. I feel it is wrong. We were never married , my son does not even have his name. I am crushed and now dreading going to my own sons wedding. My sister told him she thought it was nice!!! My husband of twenty five years does not know that my son is doing this, he has been his dad through all the good and bad
    Any thoughts, am I wrong to feel total devastation.

  • timmy

    I have a 7 year old daughter who, when she was 4 years old found out I wasnt the biological father. The biological father was granted visitation rights and ordered to pay child support. this only lasted a few months, and we,ve had no contact with him in over 2 years, No child support as well. That last time i spoke with him, he stated that my daughter wasnt comfortable with him and kept refering to me as her daddy. Is it possible for me to adopt my babygirl since birth, without marrying her mother. Its been a really tough few years and i just want to keep her and my other biological child safe, both physically and mentally. Any help is greatly appreciated!

  • Carolina

    My son is almost 2 1/2. His biological father left when I was still pregnant and has never seen him or tried to see him. My husband who was my friend at the time is the only one who has supported him and still does. he want’s to adopt my son. And was wondering if since his bio father has never been in the picture if we would still have to find him and have him sign the papers. He is not on the birth certificate.

  • miss ingshoes

    What if the biological father is abusive, homeless, unemployed and has not tried to contact in over a year, and stopped paying child support for 4 months? Also my husband has raised and supported the child for 5 years.

  • alie

    In Dec 2010, in NY I was granted sole custody of my 3 year old daughter because her biological father never showed up to court, and granted permission to move to FL. I have lived in FL for 9 months and have a very stable life, am married, and also have another child with my husband thats 4 months old. My daughters father still lives in NY and stopped paying his child support of 300 dollars a month a month ago. He has no job, no vehicle and lives with his mother who has drug problems. I was told he was going to try to get visitation on my daughter recently. Which state would he and I have to go through? What are the guidelines for my husband to adopt her? (she only knows him as daddy)Can he file in NY and be granted anything or would he have to go through FL since its been six months?

  • Amy

    My husband has adopting my daughter .We are currently in a divorce modification with his x-wife regarding child support.Should they have to include her as his responsibly on his behalf to determine child support

  • Ariel

    Sharon, i have a question my son has not seen or talk to his biological father since he was born. it’s been almost 3 years and i’m about to get married and my future husband has been there since the pregnancy and he wants to adopt my son. But, im getting cash aid and so their charging the absent parent child support. what would you reccomment to not get child support and try to have my husband adopt my son. or would the courts still let my husband adopt my IF the absent parent protests since hes paying child support because of cash aid.

  • Ariel

    i am in the state of california and if anyone reccommends anything please do so : )

  • A n J

    Can they give a stepparent adoption if you pay childsupport and the mother doesnt allow you to see your child. She moved out of state and I dont have a phone number or address. I go to the family and they always say they dont know where she is. But I havnt seen my daughter in 3 years but want to be apart of her life. Now em filing for visitation because I have tried to see my baby without the court system but she wouldnt let me. She dont even allow me to give her her Christmas gifts every year. Now she has filied for a stepparent adoption. What should I do?

  • JNB

    my son is 19 months old his biological father hasnt seen him since he was one month old my husband has been there for him since he was one month old that is who he calls dadda my sons biological father had supervised visitation and only showed up to one or two we have a dvo but he still hasnt pursued any kind of relationship with him he just stated paying child support to keep from going to jail my husband wants to adopt him and that is truly what is best for my son what are the odds of us inning a case in ky the biological father will not consent just because he is selfish and doesnt want o make me happy. if it matters he was very violent and has a rap sheet a mile long he is an alcoholic and very wild and dangerous

  • S F P

    My niece recently married a man whose wife died from an illness last year. The couple had two very young daughters. The oldest of the two daughters was not his biological daughter but her mother married him when she was only 3 mos old. He is the only father that she has ever known. The maternal grandmother is now seeking sole custody of the oldest daughter. My niece and her husband have been resisting allowing the girls to spend much time at all with the grandmother because the grandmother’s grieving process seems to be traumatizing them. How does the law view this situation.

  • Confused

    My 3 year olds biological father went to jail when she was about 20 months old. I tried to be a good person and make sure she knew who he was. I showed pictures, talked about him, let her talk to him and see him on some visitation days which is the only reason she knows who he is. Just this september her father was sentenced to 24 years in jail. I have a new boyfriend that my child calls dad and that is the father figure in her life. (he real dad wasnt around much while he wasnt in jail) We are planning a family and want to get married and he wants to adopt my daughter. The biological father has agrred to let her be adopted but only if its not by the man im with (because we had a relationship when we were younger and my daughters dad feels like me being back with my ex means i never loved him). How can i get her biological fathers rights terminated and have my boyfriend adopt her? Thats the only thing stopping us from being married. Can he fight from jail or does he even have a say.


    my son is 3 and his dad has not seen him since 7 months my new husband wants him. It is in his best interested for his dad is willing to sign the papers the only down fall is he is in the army and lives in Germeny and idea’s ?

  • marie

    Nine years ago I was still legally married, however him and I were not together. I was raped one evening, by use of drugs, I was unaware that I had became pregant. when I gave birth to my son the nurse wrote my still then husband name on the birth cert and told me I had no choice. now my husband of 3 years and together for 6 years wants to do a step parent adopiton he is the only father my son has ever know. my ex is in total agreement, where should I go from here?

  • Mary

    i have several documents in my possession where biological father has denied his rights/responsibilities they were notarized in the state of Florida where he resides, will these documents still be valid in Tennessee or do i need to return to Florida for my husband to adopt our daughter?

  • Bunny

    My two youngest children’s fathers don’t even know they exist. One child is 9 and the other 6. I am now married and my husband wants to adopt them. How can we get this done in the simplest way?

  • Evelyn

    I adopted my step-son six months ago. His father and I are now going through a divorce. Can I null and void the adoption or will I have to pay child support?

  • Janey

    My daughter is 5 months old, her biological father is not on her birth certificate and has never been involved. He ignored me when I told him I was pregnant. My current boyfriend and I are eventually going to get married, and I just want to know if the biological father needs to be contacted in order for him to someday adopt her. I have researched the laws in Iowa but cannot find the answer that I am looking for. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

    • Renee

      Janey, all biological parents in all 50 states, must be notified of pending adoption of their children. It sounds like he will not contest the adoption but will consent to the adoption and gladly sign the papers to give up all parental rights. Make absolutely certain that the prospective adoptive parent knows what is involved before you proceed.

      • Janey

        Even if he is not on her birth certificate?

  • meg

    i am a mother of 3 children in the uk i my oldest daughter is 14 my son is 12 and my youngest daughter is 8 my son has been living with his birth father for a number of year’s he has recently turned 12 and in the eye’s of the scottish law he is of age to decide if he want’s to be adopted by his step mother he also gave his consent i have refused this as ive had a meaningfull relationship with my son since he has lived with his father as have my other kid’s and yet the court can rule against my refusal i also fought endlessly through the court’s to see my son over the years never giving up. the reson he gave his consent to this is because he does not feel part of the family as his father adopted his wife’s daughter they then went of to have 2 other kid’s so my son felt like he was’nt part of the family i can understand his reson’s for wanting this but my other kid’s inpaticular my oldest daughter is so hurt by his choice as he has been a big part of our life and also i feel like all the fighting through the court has all been a hurtfull and wasted journey for my family i do not want to lose my son and want to keep my parental right’s please if anyone know’s how i can achieve this please e-maile me!!!. thank’s

  • brandi lyston

    is there anything I can do if the biofather has no contact with my child or other children he had with other women but DOES pay support? My ex has nothing to do with my daughter, or her half sister but he pays child support when he gets far enough behind that the agency threatens to take him to court. He doesn’t even call. My daughter has my new husbands last name because my ex agreed to have her name changed (his last name became a middle name so she has 2 middle names and then her last name became the same as me and my husbands so on paperwork his name is nowhere on it because there is only space for first, middle initial, and last usually so we use her first name, her given middle name and my husbands last name) but he will not agree to let my husband fully adopt her. What can I do?!?!?!

  • Stephyjean

    I have a step son that will be 20 in April, I have been his mom since he was 3, he has not seen his bio. mom since then either. We went to court several times and she never showed at any court dates, the judge granted full custody to his dad and myself. I want to legally adopt my son as he’s wants this also, he told me that I’m his mother no matter what but we just want it legal. With him soon turning 20 what process do we take in getting this done in the state of Oklahoma? Thank you for your help!

    • Renee

      Stephyhean, have you tried Adult Adoption?

    • Brandi

      My husband had this issue too. His bio father would not ever sign but as soon as he turned 18 him and his Step dad went to court and did a adult adoption. The bio dad had no say. They did have to notify him or post a letter in the paper but there was no issues. I am 32 and me and my life long step dad are about to go to court and we do not think there will be any issues either. Good luck! And thanks…. we need more good moms!

  • Valerie

    My daughter is 5 years old. I do not know who her fbio-father is. I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We have a son 1 yr old and a new baby 1 week old. My husband is the only father my daughter has ever known. How do I do due diligence when I don’t know who her bio-father is? I live in CA.

  • raz

    I want to adopt my stepson but myself n my wife know that his boi father won’t let that happen, my stepson is 3 now and hasn’t seen or heard from his boi dad in over a year.. No contact has been made by him to see or speak to my stepson, will I have a chance to adopt without his concent?

  • lolopanta

    what if i have sole physical custody of the children his parental rights have been terminated, but granted visitations, all though he dont follow through with visits and is under the influence of drugs and calls my kids 4 in the morning asking where do they live and they need weapons training and he calls over 20xs a day asking kids if they r safe and that someone is comning to get them his paranoia has gotten worse and my kids rae scared of him. my husband wants to adopt them could he..

  • Austin

    i want to adopt my stepson and his bio father is an illegal immigrant. will that make a difference in adopting him?

  • Sarah

    My daughter is 8 years old and has not seen or talked to her biological father since she was 5 (before that, he only saw her less than 1 out of 10 scheduled supervised visits).
    Her step father (her daddy) and I have been together since she was 1 year old and married since she was 2.
    Her biological father is an illegal immigrant who was deported to Mexico and was told that he will not ever gain citizenship as he has been deported 3 times and has been arrested at least 3 times (that I know of) on drug, driving with out a license and domestic violence charges.
    Before my husband, we kept moving (keeping the supervised visit agreement-which HE didn’t) and he would somehow find us, have people move near to us, have them video us (letting them know of any men entering the house), stalk me outside my work, home, outside her daycare, follow us in the car, try running us off the road, tap on our window at 3 am threatening to take her and break the window, threaten to hurt her when she was a baby if I didn’t come home the exact time he asked me to when I was with family, He finally broke in to my apartment (happened twice) and went into the wrong room and tried to take my roommates baby…the list goes on and on and is much too embarrassing to mention… point is, he’s a dangerous man. VERY dangerous. I filed a police report for both times, got a restraining order and full legal and physical custody which I got. He was also ordered supervised visits, drug tests, anger management classes and child support (which he did none of except a couple of supervised visits).
    She wants to be adopted by her step father and asks why she has a different last name than her brother, her daddy and I. Her biological father has threatened in the past to take her to Mexico and I am so fearful that this will come true. I have full legal and physical custody but our restraining order ran out a couple of years ago. I am so scared that if I die, he will take her (or even before then) and my daughter has expressed the same fear (he whispered this into her ear on his last supervised visit) :(. I was told that if he did take her to Mexico, there really wasn’t anything I could do and they probably wouldn’t find her! She had to undergo counseling and a sensitive plan to help her be alone in a room or even sleep alone in her room. She is just finally confident and happy in who she is and has undergone was too much in her short life.
    I feel like this would heal and help her so much.
    When he was in America, he refused to sign the papers because he said he didn’t want me to be happy and he hated me. I have no idea how to locate him (maybe facebook??? He did ask how she was in a message though, he is not a friend on there and I don’t know if he would give me his where abouts to send him paperwork) or where he lives.
    I know a judge will not usually grant adoption to the stepfather with out the biological fathers consent or where abouts… please, does anyone know a way around this?

  • chan

    Ok I have a question this is for Iowa
    What if the real mother wants to give up her rights to the step mother. Does the father or her husband have to sighn or can it be between the women.

  • Sherri

    My soon to be husband has a biological daughter who is turning 16 yrs old and when she was 7 or so he terminated his rights so her step dad can adopt her. Long story short his daughters mother left him when the child was 1 or 2 yrs old kept the child away from him then was allowed to see her again at 5yrs old I believe for court purposes only and didnt last very long at all. See her mother got married and some bad things happened to his daughter that was caused from her step brother and she was allowed to be with her biological dad while step brother was home for hoime visits there was a no contact order I believe between the step brother and my fiances daughter. The childs mother than kept the child away from my fiance not allowing him to see his daughter then asked my fiance for permission to change her last named he made an agreement to change the last name if the stepdad adopted his daughter which he did. The only reason he decided on this was the mother was not allowing my fiance any visitation or have anything to do with his daughter. So now that his daughter is 16 wants a relationship with her biological dad what are the laws can she on her own decide she wants a relationship with him. He is open and have been in touch with her for the past year but mom is only allowing once a month visits for like 6 hrs. The daughter hates this and her mother who is a drug addict and was threatened to go to treatment or lose her children has done everything to road block this relationship to grow. Can anyone help what can we do or how can we assist my fiances daughter in this situation.

    • Understand the pain.

      My husband has a similar situation, but a little different. It has been a nightmare to say the least. The stepparent who adopted his son committed suicide in 2006 shortly after adopting in 2004. Now mom is dead because of drug abuse. We have legally filed to adopt his biological son and are being road blocked by the maternal grandmother. My husband and his son have had a continuous relationship since birth and continues to this day, well up until the beginning of June—when she stopped all phone calls completely but allowed him to call on father’s day. She is mentally abusing him. We have a guardian ad litem involved. We hope to prevail shortly. Its been a very expensive avenue…but so worth it for this child’s welfare and best interests. Good Luck. Seek counsel, best advice I can give. Thankfully I am a paralegal with legal background I have been able to do most the work.

  • april watson

    i had my son in 2009. i did not put his father down on his birth certificate. i raised him as a single parent till i meet my fiance. he has been in the picture since my son was 9 months old. his biological father has never been in the picture and has never contacted or seen my son. he has never paid child support either. can i put my finances name on the birth certificate? we live in Oklahoma.

    • jo

      i have the exact same probblem as you. I had my son in 2009. His father not on BC does not pay CS and has never seen him. i got married last Dec my husband wants to adopt him i have no clue what to do. His bio dad is a horrible person and i do not want him to ever see him he would not treat him very well.

  • lita

    My birth children have been in the legal custody of my friend for about the last 8 years. (3 children ages: 14,14,11) Their father while biologically their father, is a registered sex offender, we’re not aware of his physical location at this time, and we want to go ahead and file for her and her husband to adopt them. We are all in agreement about this, believing its more important for the kids to have that health ins. coverage until their 20s and other reasons as we. I’m wondering what if any problems we might encounter seeing as their bio-father is MIA.
    Thanks for your help.

  • Barbie

    In the state of MI 2 years no support 2 years no contact is grounds for adoption without consent.

  • Rachael P

    My daughter’s father committed suicide in 2010 when she was only 18 months old. My husband is currently in the process of adopting her. My question is in New York state, so grandparents rights still exist even if she is adopted. Her grandparents were never in her father’s life and caused much of his depression…i do not have a good relationship with him and have struggled with allowing them visitation. Right now each of her grandparents see my daughter about once every other month. They tell her things about her father that a 3 year old should NOT know. Will have have to continue allowing them to see her if she is legally adopted?

  • Jackie

    My brother asked me to make sure, if he should pass away unexpectedly ( car accident, or something, as he is always on the road due to his work) that his daughter not be adopted by her step-father. What does he have to do to allow me to make that decision on his behalf? Power of attorney? or would I have a say at all in what happens to my niece in this situation?

  • Brandi

    There is a difference between having signed over her rights and your husband having full custody… Make sure you are clear on what he has.

  • Danielle

    I have a question…i am married and my husband has a son previous to me. He is 12. His mother has NOT had much to do with him since he was 4 years old. We are military, so every 3 years we move. The mother of my husbands son lives in florida, unemployed, has one other child that lives with her and hasnt seen my stepson for 8 years. We recently filed for child support because hes been having some behavior issues. Well, after she recieved child support paperwork she is not interested. We are so stressed out over this and dont know what to do…now shes threatning to fight for custody..HELP!

    • Brandi

      I am not a professional… but I have been through this. You did not mention if you guys have legal custody but I will assume that you do. Here is what I was told by my lawyer (I also am in Florida). My ex husband wanted to take our 13 yr old away from me (no reason… hes just a jerk) and I was told that he has to have grounds. Have I not taken care of him and met all of his needs…. NEEDS not WANTS. Do I provide a stable enviroment? Health care as needed? Schooling? Based on that you shouldn’t have a issue. a judge should award child support and grant visits. Here is what I would consult a lawyer about…. Military moves around alot (i’m a former Navy wife) is that stable enough for this child. AND alot of judges do think that a child needs to be with his mom…. cover all your bases while you have time

  • Sunshine

    My mother allowed the stepdad to adopt me and a younger brother, my REAL dad knew nothing of this for many years as he tried to find us, verified by the entire family once we were reunited 20 yrs later. This monster beat us daily. I want his name removed! I want my REAL Name on my Real birth cirtificate! I am Burt Moore’s daughter.

  • Sunshine

    I am adding to my previous comment, this all took place around 1961-1962 in TX is there anything I can do to get my real birth certificate?

  • Sandy

    My husband and I have had sole management conservitership of a grandchild for 2 1/2 years. We have decided to file for adoption and all parties have been served and noone has filed an “answer”. If we are granted the adoption, will we still be required to go through the home study and whatever the normal procedures are? Thank you

  • Sandy

    My husband and I have had sole custody of a grandchild for 2 1/2 years. We have decided to file for adoption. All parties have been served and noone has filed an “answer”. If we are granted the adoption, will we be required to go through a home study and whatever else is required for a reguler adoption?

  • Renee

    raz, without consent, your chances are not very good. You’ll need to show “Just Cause” and have at least 14 months of no contact from the biological father.

  • Alia Blea

    I have six kids and some of them have different last names. I want my new husband to adopt 5 of them. The 3 oldest have the last name of my evil great aunt and mine and my 2 middle childeren have the last name of my ex husband but he was married before me and kept it a secret from me. I dont know where he is at and havent heard from him or seen him in 3 years. Any answers?

  • Nadisha Amin

    My ex boyfriend has been in and out of jail and prison for marchman acts for drugs and alcohol, drug charges, burglary, traffiking in stolen property, sexual offenses with aggravated assault with intent to commit a felony, petit theft. He is currently in prison for being associated in a gang, burglary, dealing in stolem firearms as a convicted felon, and drug charges. He has had no contact with my son for 4 years And my son will be 4 this August 2012. My fiance now wants to adopt him but we are unsure of ways to go about this. To notify him would put my son and myself in danger. The reason I say this is because during our relationship he would hit me and I was pregnant. He threw me down the and picked me up and body slammed me on the floor of our apartment at the time. I did have to go to the hospital because I was hemorrhaging and leaking amniotic fluid. I know he will say no because he is spiteful. He has paid nothing to my son and was never involved in his life. Can it be done without the other parents consent since he is in federal prison in the state of Florida.

  • Natalia

    My child’s biological father has been out of her life for a little over 2 years now. He has not made any effort to contact her or support her. I have tried to find him and his only relative left in the area that he lived prior is no longer there. I have been to his last known address and someone totally different is in that home. My husband wants to adopt her. Will he be adopt her without consent from the biological father due to abandonment? What should we do?

  • Adriana M

    Do i have to have permission by my daughters bioligical dad in order for my husband to adopt her? Her biological dad has never been in her life, isnt on her birth certificate and i havent spoken to him since i was 4 months pregnant also he has never tried to contact me nor my daughter and shes four now and doesn’t know him nor has he tried to contact her on birthdays or holidays and she knows my husband as her dad? What should i do?

  • christy

    i live in oklahoma and i am wondering what would be the best way to get a deadbeat sperm donor to give up his rights? im not really sure where he is but im sure i could find him, he hasnt had anything to do with my son basically his whole 5 yrs of life, not a dime of child support, no contact, i have full custody and i gave him supervised visitations in the divorce which he has made no attempt to see him. he recently got outa prison in dec. 2011 for child abuse on one of his other kids from another mother. i have looked up abandonment in the state of oklahoma and from what is says i can get him on that now but everyone i have talked to about it says to wait so the deadbeat cant claim i didnt give him a chance, my son has a daddy who is my husband and he would like to adopt him if we could ever get his rights taken away… son biological is an abusive drunk and my son dont even know him. anyone who has any info on what i can do and make sure it sticks in the long run because im afraid i will open up that can of wrms and it will blow up in my face, i only want what is best for my son and for the biological to not have any rights is whats best, i have seen the damage the biological has done to his other kids and i WILL NOT let that happen to my son, he deserves to grow up knowing he is loved and have a happy life…….should i wait and give it time to show hes really not wanting to be in my sons life? any info would be great…..thank you

  • Sara Anderson

    Im 15 years old my stepdad adopted me and i want to know if im allowed to have any contact with my biological father or his parents. Or if there is anyway so that i can see if i was young when this happened and i really want to have contact with him or talk and know him since he is my dad and i dont know what to do my mom doesnt let me talk about him she tells me to stop and ill make my stepdad upset and i know it will cause he is a father to me and my biological dad even fought for me but didnt win and i dont know what to do help me i dont know what to do

  • 5lita5

    I suggest so as to not make waves within the family that you wait to pursue this until you reach 18. It may not ease the sense of “hurt & betrayal” that your parents most likely will feel, but at least when you are 18, it will be ENTIRELY at YOUR discretion as to whether you do this or not. Suggestion: Try FaceBook
    I’m a birth-mom and recently found and contacted my son, whom I had been absent from for 23 years. There was/is some animosity, but I expected that/ He indicates that he doesn’t hate me, or feel ANYTHING at all about me, but I think there are probably some underlying issues he’s not dealing with.
    I wish you well on this journey and when/if you DO meet your bio-dad.try not to resent your mom to much as she did what she thought was best at the time, kids dont come with instruction manuals.

  • Tiffany

    My son will be 5 this year and has not seen or heard from his sperm donor dad at all. We broke it off when i was 3 months pregnant because he was always lying about everything even his job. I got with my now husband at 4 1/2 months pregnant and my son only knows him as his daddy. So shouldnt there be a limit on if the bilogical father has not been in the childs life after so many years, that they loose all rights no matter what. Also the bilogical father is not on my sons birth certificate and i want my husband to adopt my son but i dont know how to go about doing all of this. Some advice would be greatfully appreicaited.

  • jess

    I live in New york.. which one of the forms does the absent parent sign to consent to the adoption? Please help!! Thank you.

  • Catharina

    My husband want to adopt my son. The father is unknown. So, if the judge okay’s the adoption and a few years go by. Can the unknown father get any rights later down the road?

  • Ashley Hill

    What if the birth mother NEVER told the bio dad the child was even alive and still went throu with the adoption then years later told the real father about said child? Can it get overturned?

  • Kaitlyn Smith

    I’m 22 years old with my own 3 year old child. I live with my bio-mother and step-father to adopt me more than anything. He came into my life at the age of 12 and is the only father I’ve ever known. Last I seen my bio-father I was 1 from what my mother told me. He got into drinking and drugs and owes my mother several thousand in child support. Last we heard he was in a nursing home and a vegitable. He never tried to contact me the past 21 years. I tried contacting him but all failed. I now want nothing to do with him. He’s nothing but a sperm donor to me. My step-dad supports me and my son and pays my schooling and everything. We are doing this out of love 1st and foremost and to protect his posessions when god decides the time comes for him to return home after we found how greedy his sister was when their brother died after not talking to him in 10 years. Any opinions, tips, suggestion, what my chances would be? Thanks everyone. 🙂

  • Marie

    My son’s biological father hasn’t been around for over 8 years, the last time his father saw him, (when he was 9 months old) he kidnapped him for 6 days and when the US marshalls found him in a crack hotel. My son had drugs in his system. I have avoided contact with him since he’s been out of jail, but I get worried that trying to get consent for a step parent adoption will open a can of worms and he will want to be a part of my son’s life. My son knows nobody but my husband as his dad. I am terrified to do this, but my son is starting to ask why his last name is different than his siblings.

  • Mark H.

    My stepdaughter has lived with me for ten years. Her mother and I are married. Her father died when she was two and my wife gets monthly social security support for her daughter from the federal gov’t due to his death. If I adopt my stepdaughter will this support be jeopardized?

  • I have twin daughter that has had little or no contact with their Bio Dad since they were 4 they are 16 now. I had a stroke in 2004 and was in contact with the Bio Dad, we reached the conclusion that since he was over 55,000. behind in support and he lives like a gyspy that it would be the best if he gave his rights up, which he did. So the support would end and arrests warrants would stop. My Husband who has taken these girls in since the age of 6 would like to be adopted by him. What do I have to do? Would it be expensive? The Bio Dad said that he would give rights up as long as I didn’t change their last name and in the agreement, he would pay all the back payments. As of this date only have received may $500. Can I just go petition the court, run ads in paper and adopt or do I have to pay expensive Attorney’s fees. Thanks net

  • Amber

    Ok so i need help, my husband has custody of his daughter and the mom has visitaion right every other weekend , which she hardly excersizes.. We get along for the most part and she trusts me and knows i take care of her daughter i have been in her life since she 1 and she is now 4.. I am thinking about leaving my husband because of major issues and think of her a my own..her bio mom said she would sign her rights over to me if i left him because she does not have the means to take care of her, and she knows she could see her if she wanted to, if we would divorce how would that work would i have to fight in court just as if i was the actual parent and what chance would i have to get joint custody beacause i can take care of her probably better financially and emotionally better than her father , i am home 90 percent of the time with her because i work from home i live in west Virginia if that helps..

  • 5lita5

    I am NOT a lawyer, but believe I CAN offer some insight into your question. You (as a non-related, no biological connection) parent would have to PROVE that your husband is unfit to raise this child. UNLESS of course he and the ex were never married and then he basically would have no “true” parental rights anyway. In cases such as just mentioned, custody USUALLY reverts back to the bio-mother. I see that he HAS custody, is that legally imposed custody or simple agreement between parties? Go online and do some research for custody to stepparent in your state. Hope this helps somewhat.

  • Chuck

    My wife at the time told me she didn’t know who father was.. We went through adoption she never told me who the father was until 8 months after adoption was over. Fast forward a few years we get divorced now on hook for child support and college…. And bio father is now back in picture. Can I unadopt child? I haven’t had contact in 4 years! What r my options

  • jane

    Ok I have a friend who had a child and when the child was 4 years old she married a guy. The bio father never wanted anything to do with this child. Her new husband raised the child with his name but never did it legally. However this child has been in the service with this name etc . Now his step father is dieing and his family is saying he was never legally named his step fathers name and won’t add him to the inhertiance!The child is now 41 does he have a legal name? Is there a time limit that the name is his now or is he name less??

  • Sara

    My brother has not seen his daughter in 4 years. It’s not because he doesn’t want to see her, but it’s because his gf’s family does not let him. He has mailed letters, dropped off presents, called several times, and set up a life insurance policy to pay into for his daughter. When he would go knocking on their door, the common response he would get was, “It’s just not a good time.” When he would call, the ex girlfriend’s mother would pretend not not to hear him, and hang up on him. My bother and his ex dated for six years previously, and my brother was there for the birth and baptism, and I was asked to be the Godmother. He was there for the first year too, until he broke his femur. He was out of commission for a while, without a job, and was unable to drive. So, at that point his ex would occasionally bring his daughter over to visit, but the visits became less and less. She eventually met someone else shortly after my brothers accident, and ultimately cut off all contact with my family. My brother has 1 yr in 1/2 left before he receives his civil engineering degree, and works full time as a bartender. In August 2012 he filed for visitation rights and really wanted to set things straight legally, and was financially able to afford an attorney. A hearing was set and September 4, 2012 his ex gf and her boyfriend went up to the courthouse and got married, and her “husband” filed for adoption. We are still battling for visitation and a guardian ad litem has been appointed. The final hearing is Feburary 28, 2013. My brother just wants to be in his daughter’s life. Is there anything else we can do, or is there additional information we should know about to help our case?

  • Chrissy

    I had my daughter at 15 her i was raped and i dont know who her father is i got with my fiance when she was 8 months old and that is the only father she knows he wants to adopt her but i dont know how to go about it i live in new jersey and had her in PA please help

  • Deb

    My daughter is 12. Her biological says himself, that it’s best for my husband to do the stepparent adoption. Does anyone know the procedures if the other parent consent?

    • Deb

      Oh, I live in South Carolina.

  • Scared mom

    My husband has two children 11 and 9 yrs old, their birth mother died when they were young. I have been mom for 7 + yrs. My husband and I were talking about me adopting the kids but never started any paper work it was just talk. I lost my husband a week ago and now some of his family wants to take the children from me, I dont want to lose my kids nor dose my (his) son want to move away from me , our (his) 9yr old daughter is totaly disabled and can only repeat words or say milk and such not full sentence’s, but If I have to leave the house she will cry till I return. My question is can I still adopt them even though my husband has now passed? What can I do to insure the children and I get to stay together?

  • christina

    Ok so I’m trying to figure something out. Last year I cheated on my bf 1 time with a 1 night stand guy I only remember his 1st name I don’t know nothing of this person an noone knows who he is but that 1 time with this guy I got pregnant. And I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 years and 4 months, an when I had my son at hospital I put my boyfriend down as his dad but the lady didn’t have him sign cuz she knew my problem an was being noisey. But I didn’t know she did it on purpose anyways well so when we got real birth certificate in mail my son ended up with my last name not my boyfriends an no dad on birth certificate an I called a person about that she said do a test send it in an we will add his name well we did test an bam figured out my boyfriends not daddy but now a different lady is saying he has to adopt her.. seriously? But we are not married so is that even possible we live in alabama like I’m so mad. I have no time for court an repeating my cheating story. 🙁 we have a daughter that 4 right now, I don’t know what I’m suppost to do or who to talk to an I’m sick of ladys saying why would u want him on there that’s stupid uhh no he’s the dad of my children why is that stupid gezz. Help me someone.

  • Dawn

    My brother-in law has raised My sister’s youngest daughter since she was 18 months old ( she is now 14 1/2 yrs old). My sister is critically ill, the doctor’s say she will not last longer that a month. My brother-in-law has never adopted her even though he has been a model father to her. The biological father pays child support,but has no contact with her at all. He does not even call her. My niece wants to stay with her step father after her mother passes away and he wants to continue to raise her. What should he do in order to keep custody of his step-child?

    • Ashley

      This is my situation too and I’m wondering the same thing. My husband has raised my kids since they were 1 and 3 (now 8 and 9). My ex husband pays child support, but moved out of state and never calls the kids, and maybe visits for a day at a time, twice a year at the most. If something were to happen to me, I would want my kids to stay with my husband, and I know they would want that too.

      • Carrie Stewart

        Google the laws of stepparent adoption in your state. If you can’t find the answer, try calling a local lawyer and see if you can get advice. I’ve been looking into it for some time now, at my middle step daughters request. However, I am unsure of whether to file or not, because she has 2 other siblings and they do not wish to be adopted at this time. Theboth baffled me today, they both wish to have custody changed back to their mother, who had all three children removed 3 years ago for “repeated and extreme cruelty to a minor.” It is horrible that stepparents take on the role that someone else chose not to play on a child’s life and may sure all of their emotional, educational, financial, and medical needs and wants are met, and put their hearts out there, to have no “legal”rights or say so in the event that tragedy strikes or legal/medical issues arise.

        *not legal advise, just a stepmom who has Googled every imaginable scenario*

  • Tonya

    My husband wants to adopt my son. His biological father died when he was 8 months old but he is also not on the birth certificate. My husband is also a legal alien. Does anyone know if a legal alien can adopt? And would we still need a death certificate even if he’s not on the birth certificate.

  • joy

    If i can’t get in touch with the bio dad can’t i have him served through the newspaper and if he dosent come to court to consent can’t the judge overturn his rights anyway because he don’t pay child support and have seen my child since he was 1 now he’s 8 my husband has been there the whole time my son dosent know he even has a bio dad all he knows is my husband

    • Lindsey

      You have to hire a professional to serve papers. They will find him. That’s what we had to do.

  • Miranda

    I have a question I live in North Carolina my step daughter n her boyfriend which his name is on the birth certifate.let me adopt my granddaughter I got her when she was 2 months old now she is 5 months this orther guy thinks he is the father he just filed for a DNA test in June he lives in Miami he has no contact with the child or the mother his mother came down to North Carolina in may to get the baby and my daughter told them I had adopted her that is when they hired an attorney… He has not contacted me me either about the baby what can he do please help

  • June

    My daughters father passed when I was pregnant. My husband wants to adopt her now but I am not sure how to go about this. Do I need to get a lawyer or just have his name put on the birth certificate? Any help is appreciated.

  • bobby coombs

    My sons mum left when he was born and I’ve been with my partner since my son was 10 months he is now ten we have a baby together now my son wants partner who he calls mum to adopt him how easy is this and does his biological mum have to give consent she hasn’t ever paid maintenance or ever tried to get contact with him.

    If anyone could help
    many thanks

  • raeann

    i need help!!!!! my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years now and he has a daughter that is almost 6 her bio mother killed herself when she(thedaughter) was only 3 and i have raised her ever since she now calls me mom note…she has called me mom since about 3 weeks after the accident…we have a very close bond and i love her like she was my own…we also now have a 3 month old son and i was just wondering if i have to be married to adopt her

    • Lindsey

      In the state of TN you have to be married.

  • tonya

    do you have to be married to do a “step parent” adoption in the state of Michigan if the child has only know this one person as their father…. my son is 4 and and my fiancé is the only father he’s ever known.

  • newly married

    I am recently married women I have two children with different fathers. My daughter’s bio father is nowhere to br found. I was just wondering what is the process for my husband to adopt her.?

  • Angelina

    I’m 15 years old and im adopted by my stepfather. Things are NOT good at home with him and my mom. My older sister related to me from my biological father lives on her own and said i could live with her. Is it still possible to choose who i want to live with even being adopted and under the xustody of my stepfather. Is there any way?

    • Alicia M Liverance

      being 15 you can decide who you want to live with.

  • synthia

    my boyfriend of 6 and a half yrs has helped me raise my daughter that is 6 (i was pregnant with her when we got together) her bio father has never seen her nor will he pay child support nor does he see her, he stays in jail. my boyfriend and i have a 4 yr old together, what can we do?

  • ana

    what if the non-custodial parent is deceased

  • mom2three

    Hi. I live in California and am looking to adopt my stepson. I have been raising him for the last 4 years and he has had no contact with his biological mom for 2 years. My husband has 100% custody of his child, legal and physical. About 3 years ago, the biological mom signed off on giving him full custody infront of the judge. I have no contact info for her with no way to contact her. Do I need to obtain her consent or is proof of no contact with her having no legal rights to the child enough?

  • disqus_L3WOcS6I7W

    My wife has a girl and I want to adopt her. Her biological father has not seen the child in three years. She’s three by the way. Dhs has tried to serve him papers. With no success. He dosent pay child support cause he never showes up to court. Since he has no contact and doges the system. Funny thing he’s a police officer and the courts still can’t serve him papers or make him show up to court. What can I do???? Help

  • Jena Lee

    I have sole custody of my 13 yr old daughter. Her dad has very limited rights. If I were to die and appointed her stepdad guardian and she wanted it also, do they have a chance against the father if he wants custody and who would she live with till it was sorted out?

  • Tom

    How can I find out if my sons mother had his stepdad adopt him illegally in another state such as Colorado.

  • Louise

    Hi, anyone know more information on this? my partner wants to adopt my daughter, her dads said he wants this to happen aswell and is more then happy to sign her over to my partner, he as a criminal record and been to prison in the past but is this going to stop him from being able to adopt my daughter? and if is going to stop him from adoption then her dad as said he will keep away so would terminating his rights be easier aswell??


    i am trying to find out how i can change my step children’s last name to mine, I have been dad for the past 11 years and am sick of explaining to people that just because our last names are different, they are my kids, i provide for the kids and have never complained we want to become whole as a family, the kids want my last name just like their mom, can anyone help me on what route to take to fulfill my kids wishes, the birth father is wanted in Florida, for grand theft, child abuse, fraud, child endangerment, and several other charges and that’s just in Florida. PLEASE, ANY AND I MEAN ANY HELP, WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED thank you very much KIP DRYSDALE

  • KAy

    My sons father is deceased and my ex husband wants to adopt my son and I want approve it. How old does the minor child have to be to consent to the adoption without my consent

  • ashley

    My children’s father has never paid child support and has never been involved in their life , he is now in jail in th for raping his girlfriend’s 7 year old… My husband wants to adopt my kids but we don’t know how to go about doing it, or if we can strip the bio father of his rights..

    • Jayden Manchester

      Uh wow. You will have no problem having the adoption go through. Go hire a lawyer and they will draw up the paperwork that you will need to sign. Then they will serve the bio dad the papers. He can either contest the adoption, meaning he fights, or he will not contest. If he contests he will lose. Once your husband adopts your child the bio dad will no longer have ANY parental rights to see them. Who rapes a 7yo…

  • Ken

    Hi,i married with my wife in 2008.How can i adopt my stepson,they living with me since 2008.Thank you

  • Lee

    I have a quick question for you. If the person trying to adopt a child, that is here illegally, is in the process of passing away (battling cancer) while paperwork is processing, and passes away before the person even returns to their place or origin and everything is finalized, will the adoption still take place?

  • dfingerz

    If I don’t know who my daughters dad is and the man I am with now wants to be the dad how do I go about adding him to the birth certificate. I am from Colorado

  • Joseph

    Hello. I want to adopt my stepdaughter (age 16) and step son (age 18). We live in Colorado. Thier biological father is completely out of the picture and not an issue. We are working though an attorney.

    My question is with my son (ok, stepson, for now): He is legally an adult. And I understand the process of adult adoption. My lawyer says that she doesn’t think we can get a new birth certificate with MY name as the father. According to JDF 496 (the Colorado instructions for adult adoptions), the birth certificate does not HAVE to be changed. My questions is though, can it? It is very important to my son and I that I be on his birth certificate.

    I looked at the Colorado Vital Statistics website about changing fathers on birth certificates. I really couldn’t get a straight answer, and it talked a lot about paternity, mostly in the biological sense.

    Any advise?

    • someone

      Yes, it can be changed. That’s what adoption does. The age limit is 21 in your state.

  • Belinda Contreras

    i have two daughters which the dad has never been with them there 6 and 7 i dont know where the dad is he is from mexico my husband wants to adopt them and change last name to his what is it that i need to do.

  • cryjake4kiddos

    My husband and I have raised his daughter since birth we since July have had full custody! The biologic mother has never been in her life as a mother not ever. Since we gained custody the biological mother has only seen my daughter 2 times both times was because I took her to see the the Bio mother and maternal grandma. The grandma has only came to our house to see her only 1 time the bio mom none. Per our court order they have supervised visitation at our home. It has been over a month closer to 2 months since they have saw my daughter. My question is simply how long do we go with no contact from Bio mother until I can file to adopt my daughter due to abandonment? Because she has abandoned my daughter and my daughter don’t even want yo talk on the phone with any of them! She prayed for over a year to live with us and now prays she never has to leave both even for a night. Can I adopt because of abandonment?

  • Greg Williams

    Oh my lordy Therapist Oniha of the I GOT Briggs BACK. Im so excited, It only took 2days for him to come home. bless divinity and bless god. i must be dreaming as i never thoughts he would be back to me after all this time. I am so much shock and just cant believe my eyes. thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart,he always kiss and hug me now at all times,am so happy my heart is back to me with your help Therapist Oniha.

  • josh

    If my biological dad died and I got adopted by my stepped I have another brotherthats 16 am I entitled so his estate if there is no will since I’m blood

  • adrienne

    i have a daughter thats is 13 1/2 yrs old , she hasn’t seen her BIO since she was 4yrs old , she dosent know him at all and her Stepfather has been in her life since she was 1yrs old , I get child support and he took me for joint custody in 2006, however it was denied for the joint custody and they gave him visition ,however he hasnt seen been compelling at all for 8yrs and he has’nt seen her for 10yrs , her stepfather wants to adopt her ,but how can his patrental rights be teminate ? .. or is this abandonment ? i dont now what to do .. i think this is the best thing for my daughter cause she dosne’t know the bio at all ,and my daughter have delay speech development in which interfers with her comprehensive…..HELP????

  • jason

    me and my wife are married and that my wife wanted to know if she can adopt my son.

  • Kyle

    Ok i live in NY and my step dad has lived with me for almost 14 yrs and i dont like my mom very much and im wondering is there any way that i could live with my step dad like sole custody type deal?

  • Michele

    I live in upstate, new York state, my 14 year old daughter biological father is in prison until our daughter turns 18. I have 2 children that are 9 & 8, there father and I are divorced but he still helps me raise my 14yr. old daughter that is not biologically his. My 14 year old would like my little 2kids dad father to adopt her and he would like to adopt her as well. She loves her biological father but enjoys and would like a dad that is able and wants to be around. Is it possible even tho him and I are divorced. Her biological father was abusive and he is in prison until she turns 18. Her biological father has deliberate abuse of her. Where can I find the laws on it regarding my situation.

  • Zara

    Could I adopt my boyfriend two daughters if the mother is not aloud to be around rant kids that’s she have to register the birth mother not alou be alone with any kids by herself

    And I’ll try to be the mother they never had I love those two girl even though I can’t have any of my own

    and how much would it cost to adopt the two girls I’m wondering

  • mandi

    My husband has sole custody of his 3 yr old son. We have been married 6 months but ive been taking care or and raising his son with him for almost 2 yrs now. Birth mother didnt show up for divorce or custody hearing and hasnt seen or made contact w son in a year and half. She also moved out of state without telling us. So can i adoot my husband’s son without consent from mom since after a year in missouri its abandonment.

    • Ashley

      Did you ever get an answer to this? My husband has had custody of my stepdaughter for 3 years now. She was taken away by cps and currently has no rights or visitation,and had had no contact for 2.5years besides a few conversations on facebook and the phone. I’m wanting to adopt her, but I don’t know if we need consent from bio mom since she has no rights anyway.

  • kim

    I sadly lost my mum earlier this month ,I executor of the will on looking at both my parents wills I found that my father who adopted me and my 2 brothers was down as my stepdad , he adopted me when I was 10 I am now 58 is this right that it should still be down as stepfather ,and not my father

  • Vicki

    Hello My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He has full legal custody of his 6 year old and has for the passed 3 years since his biological mom went to prison. She got out this passed September and we let her see him in January. She just recently went back to jail a week before his birthday. I would like to adopt him but she will not sign her rights over. Has anyone else gone through this?

  • Chris

    I gave up my parental rights to my son’s mother who is now married. Her and her husband wanted to adopt my son and I complied with giving up my parental rights as well as the adoption. After all was said and done she refuses to give me a copy of the adoption decree which clearly states all child support to stop, and I have no way to obtain a copy. Is there anything I can do to obtain this record just to be able to give to the Child support enforcement office to discontinue the child support as was ordered by the judge?

  • lui

    my 16 yr. old son got a restraining order against him. because the mom does not want my son and her daughter to be together. well now my sons girlfriend is pregnant. can he visit her even if he still has the restraining order?

  • kierstinbudy

    Hi, my husband and i live in North carolina and my two kids bio dad lives in Oklahoma. II have full custody of both children. Do i file for adaption in North Carolina or Oklahoma?

  • kierstinbudy

    Hi, my husband and I live in North Carolina. I have custody of my two children. Their bio dad lives in Oklahoma. Do we need to file for adoption in North Carolina or Oklahoma?

  • Christian

    Anyone needs to fill out a form adoption, I found a blank form in this site PDF
    filler. This site also has several related forms that you might find

  • Jason

    I have been in my son’s life from the beginning. The first 4 years (he is 7now) he spent 75% of the time because his mom has mental issues. My son and I have a strong bond and I pay my support. My son’s mom is always saying that her soon to be husband is going to adopt my son and there is nothing I can do about it. I have a little better than standard visitation and I take always take him when ever offered extra time. She has been very manipulative to my son as of late making him feel that he can’t stay with me for very long because it will upset her make her sad. Do I have anything to fear in losing my rights?
    Thanks Jason in Ohio

  • Jason

    I have been in my son’s life from the beginning. The first 4 years (he is 7now) he spent 75% of the time because his mom has mental issues. My son and I have a strong bond and I pay my support. My son’s mom is always saying that her soon to be husband is going to adopt my son and there is nothing I can do about it. I have a little better than standard visitation and I always take him when ever offered extra time. She has been very manipulative to my son as of late making him feel that he can’t stay with me for very long because it will upset her make her sad. Do I have anything to fear in losing my rights?
    Thanks Jason in portage county Ohio

  • Jerry

    My wife ex wants to sign his rights on his daughter for I can adopt her but my wife’s father thanks he should have her ex’s rights does he have a foot to stand on

  • Jeana Harry

    I have a question I hope someone can answer for me I raised a child at 2 weeks old and am still raising her she lives with me and does not want to live with her dad we divorced 5 years ago the bio mom signed her rights over to me can I still adopt her because that is what she wants she is 14 now and I want to give her what she wants I bought a place for us and her father is renting a one bedroom place but what matters to me is her happiness and if me adopting her will complete that please let me know what to do next please Thank you Jeana

  • Amanda Iler

    My names amanda n i live in Colorado and i have a 5 year old Lil brother who’s adopted parent dropped him off with me my mom and his father for over seven months and hasn’t been in his life until recently when she decided to pick him up but now she’s not gunna bring him back when we have been the ones taking care of him that entire time is there anything that can be done ?

  • Jamie Smitley

    My daughter is 19. Soon to be 20 this December. She wants her step-dad to adopt her. She really has no contact with her biological father. As far as she is concerned her stepfather is her father. He is the one who has raised her since she was 3 years old. Does anyone have any advice.

  • Kate

    I live in Massachusetts, my daughters biological father and I are not together and were never married. We did go to court and I have full legal and physical custody of her and he has supervised visitation at my discretion. He does not call or visit my daughter and has not paid child support in a long time. If my partner now wanted to adopt her can he do that? He has been in her life and been a father to her for two years, my daughter even says she wants him to be her real dad. Since I have full custody would her biological father have to sign anything or am I able to make that decision? I know he will fight me on it even though he has nothing to do with her.

  • Gerald D. Vandyke

    My wife & i, adopted a child from a unmarried couple in their early 20’s. The child was six months old when process began. About a year went by & adoption was completed. My wife & I separated an the child is miserable with the mother. 8 years later, I tracted down the biological father. The man who signed the child away was not the biological father. He is willing to come forward along with biological mother wants to regain their rights. This in the state Virginia. Will the adoption be annulled?

  • Fernando Chavez

    When I got with my ex girlfriend she had a son 6 months old I have a child with her he isb2 years old the 6minth is now 4 1/2 she left our home 2 years ago will call everyone call maybe once eveyv6 weeks. She has had a drug problem since cell she was17 she is 23 now, courts gave me full custody of my 2 year old. She is pregnant again and is still using.I would like to adopt my 4 year old I am the only father get nows do I have some rights

  • LaDawn

    My 19 year old stepson and i have a strong relationship his biological mother has never been in his life. He wants to have her name removed from his birth certificate and wants my name added as mother. How do i do this?

  • lorifisherrobinson

    my step daughter hasn’t seen her mother in three years…her bio Mom doesn’t have visitation rights and doesn’t pay child support…..they do not have any sort of a relationship as my step daughter hates her mother…what do I have to do to adopt her???

  • lorifisherrobinson

    my step daughter hasn’t seen her mother in three years…her bio Mom doesn’t have visitation rights and doesn’t pay child support…..they do not have any sort of a relationship as my step daughter hates her mother…what do I have to do to adopt her and how

  • qt

    my son passed. his son lives with x and her husband. I would not want my grandson to be adopted by his step father. can I do anything>

  • Jae Lowery

    My son is 3. His bio father hasn’t seen him in over a year. He hasn’t tried to get in touch with me to see him. He has, however, gone around saying that I don’t allow him to see him. He is on & off drugs. He is in & out of jail. He was kicked out of the national guard for being on drugs. Everyone he hangs out with are on drugs, his family included. When we were together, he was physically abusive to me & neglectful of our son. He would leave him with a friend of ours all the time while I was at work. He has threatened to have me killed several times since I’ve left him. A lawyer has told me that not seeing a child after 4 months is considered child abandonment in TN. Since my husband wants to adopt him, will his rights be overturned by a judge since he’s been so long without seeing him? Or will he still have to sign his rights away before the adoption can go through?

  • Kimberly Triemert

    I pay child soupport for a child that is soupose to be getting addopted by the babys moms husband. Now the mother abandoned the baby and her husband, So the husband has physical custody of the child. Any chance i can continue to move forward with the addoption still? Or should i just go for custody?